Page 34 of Heat Exchange
She opened the door and the impact of the mixed emotions made her take a step backward. God, she’d missed him. She wanted to throw her arms around his neck and hold on so tightly he’d never be able to get away from her again.
But his back was almost military straight and his expression gave her nothing. Ashley could see the sadness in his eyes, like Lydia had said, but she shouldn’t have to try to read Danny’s face like a coded map. She wanted him to pull her into his arms and hold her as if he’d never let her go.
“Come on in,” she finally said, stepping to the side so he could go by her. It was unnatural and awkward, and she cursed herself for not being somewhere else.
“I just need to grab a few things. I have some boxes in the truck.”
Boxes, plural? “Okay. Do you want help?”
“I’m all set. But I’ll probably be in and out a few times. I’ll try to be quick.”
She wanted to tell him to take his time. The longer he was in the house, the bigger the chance one of them might say something that would open the floodgates of communication between them. But all she did was nod because he’d already started walking toward the stairs.
Ashley couldn’t bear to see him in their bedroom, taking any of his things out of their closet or from his dresser. Throwing some belongings in duffel bags was one thing. Boxes were for moving and moving out seemed so much more permanent than just going to stay with Scott to give her some space.
Danny took four boxes out to his truck while Ashley sat on the couch and stared blankly at the television screen. If there was anything good at all about this night, it was that she wasn’t crying. Whether it was because she was all cried out or because things were going so badly she was beyond tears, she couldn’t say.
When he came downstairs with his fifth box, Danny hesitated at the bottom of the stairs and Ashley realized with a sense of dread that he was done. He was about to tell her he was leaving.
She stood and walked over to face him. “Is that it?”
“I think I have everything I need for now.”
“I meanis that it, as in you’re just going to grab your shit and leave without even attempting a conversation?”
“I’m not sure what I can say, Ash. I’m the same guy you fell in love with. I’m the same guy you married. I don’t know why I’m not enough for you now.”
“No, Danny.” Her throat ached from the tight ball of emotion wedged there. “That’s not...I didn’t say you’re not enough for me. I never said that.”
“I don’t know what you want from me.”
“I want you to share your feelings with me.”
He looked at her for so long, she wasn’t sure he was going to answer, but then he sighed. “I thought I was doing that. I’ve always told you I love you. I don’t...I don’t know what else there is.”
“I wantallof your feelings. Good. Bad. Loud. Messy. All of it, because I’m your wife and I’m tired of being shut out.”
She watched his expression change, as if a shutter dropped to block out a storm, and knew she’d bumped up against something he didn’t want to talk about. “I’m not the kind of guy who likes to vent, Ash. And I don’t want to come home and spend my time with you bitching about work. There’s freaking piles of paperwork to deal with and one of the guys on second crew is bitching about his share of the house fund because his wife’s making him eat vegetarian and packing his meals. Aidan’s got a hair across his ass about something, but I don’t know what yet. Is that the kind of stuff you want to hear?”
Ashley felt a jolt of guilt, because she had an idea of why Aidan had a hair across his ass. But she couldn’t tell Danny because she wouldn’t violate her sister’s trust. And Danny worked with both Aidan and Scotty, so the entire thing would be a shit show if Danny said something. Which was why Aidan shouldn’t have been messing around with Lydia in the first place.
But that didn’t matter right now. They were adults and not her problem. “Yes, I want to know if you have a rough day at work. But it’s more than that. Maybe it was stupid and childish to try to force you to show you care by telling you I wanted out, but you didn’t even try to fight it. You just left.”
His jaw flexed several times before he spoke. “You told me you needed space and I’m giving it to you. I’m not the kind of guy who, when asked to leave, refuses to go. That’s not who I am.”
“You didn’t even look upset.”
“I was upset.” She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard. “That was the worst night of my life, Ashley, but I didn’t know how to stop it. And I’m ready to come home as soon as you say the word.”
It was tempting. She could say the word and he’d sleep in their bed tonight. They’d get up tomorrow morning and go on about their lives as if this marital interruption had never happened.
But Danny hadn’t touched her. His hand hadn’t even twitched as if he wanted to touch her but wasn’t sure if she’d welcome it. He was the same brick wall tonight that she’d grown so tired of beating her head against.
“We need to go to counseling,” she said, and that got an emotional response. Just a quick grimace, but she didn’t miss it. Of course he’d resist counseling because then he’d have to share his feelings. “I’m not willing to go back to the way it was.”
He gave her a quick nod, his mouth tight. “If you find somebody, I’ll consider it, but I don’t know if it’ll help. This is just who I am, Ash, and a few therapy sessions won’t change that.”
“I hope you’re wrong.”
