Page 49 of Heat Exchange
She’d known Aidan was okay for quite some time before she got a response to the text she’d finally given in and sent to him. Scotty had reached out to somebody and gotten the word on who was injured and how badly. But even once she had that information, her mind hadn’t settled.
What the hell was she doing messing around with a firefighter again?
Sex was one thing, and she would have said even that was off-limits if she’d been asked before seeing Aidan again. At least with casual sex she could pretend she was leaving her emotions out of it. But there was no denying her emotions had gotten all tied in a knot when she heard Aidan could be hurt, and the need to see him—to see for herself that he was okay—had driven her to curl up on his couch and wait for him to come home.
After washing her face and using his mouthwash, Lydia went back to the kitchen. She must have beat herself up in front of the mirror longer than she thought, because he was already done making their coffees and had set them on the coffee table. He looked exhausted, she thought, taking a seat on the couch.
“You okay?” he asked, which she thought was ironic. “I know you probably didn’t sleep well on the couch, but you look like something’s bothering you, too.”
She shook her head, not wanting to talk about it. And even if she did want to talk about it, now wouldn’t be the time. Picking up her coffee mug, she drank while looking at the television screen. He’d turned the news on, but the volume was muted so she had to read the subtitles.
“I guess it probably has something to do with your text from last night,” he said, pushing the issue.
“Iswore to myself I’d never do this again.”
She should have sent something simple.Let me know you’re not hurt.Or maybe justyou okay?Instead, in a moment of emotional weakness, she’d shown her cards. “It was no big deal. You know how written words are. Without inflection and facial expression and stuff, it probably sounded a lot heavier than it was meant to.”
“I should have sent you a text. I should have known that, once the code went out, you’d worry. But the fire was getting away from us and...I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t even know you were working. When Scott said you were with those guys, it scared me.”
“It was a last-minute thing.” He had his hands wrapped around his coffee mug, but he wasn’t drinking it. “I’m not used to having people worry about me, I guess. The people who care about me the most tend to be with me when shit happens, you know? Last night was different, but in the heat of the moment, I didn’t think.”
“You don’t owe me any explanations,” Lydia said sharply, not wanting to dig any deeper into feelings at the moment. “Or a text or a phone call.”
He looked at her for what felt like forever, his eyebrows furrowed. “Are you mad at me or yourself here?”
“That’s a stupid question.”
“Not really, because there’s no good reason for you to be this pissed off at me, so I’m thinking you’re mad at yourself and taking it out on me. And I’m happy to be a shoulder to lean on, but I’m a little tired right now and not in the mood to be a whipping boy.”
“Last night was just one of the reasons I never should have slept with you in the first place.” She set her mug down on the coffee table and wrapped her arms around her knees. “I’m not cut out to be a firefighter’s wife again.”
“If anybody knows how to live with a firefighter, it’s you. I mean, you grew up surrounded by them, for chrissake.”
“Okay, let me clarify that. I don’twantto be a firefighter’s wife again.” She used both hands to push her hair back from her face. “I have to stop using the wordwife. Not wife. I swore I’d never get involved with another firefighter.”
“I hate to break it to you, but you’re always going to be involved with firefighters. Your brother, your brother-in-law, your friends.”
“My brother-in-law? I think we can see how well that’s turning out for Ashley.”
“I think that’s more about Danny’s personality making it hard for them to talk to each other than his job.” He took a sip of the decaf, watching her over the rim of the mug. “My point is that you’re going to worry no matter what. I bet even when you were in New Hampshire, if there was a fire in Boston on the news, you had to know which companies were involved.”
She couldn’t deny that was true, but it was different. “There’s a difference between being worried about a member of the larger community and waiting for the guy who’s supposed to put you first to remember to let you know he’s not dead.”
“Well, I’m never going to be a guy who says ‘I’m gonna save your life, but hold your breath and try not to inhale any smoke for a minute so I can text my girlfriend a status update,’ and I don’t want to be.” He shrugged. “I responded to your text as soon as I could.”
The wordgirlfriendstuck in her mind. Was that how Aidan saw her, or was he just making a point? “Now I sound like a self-centered bitch.”
“You’re not a self-centered bitch. You have some issues, like with your dad and your ex-husband, and right now those issues are making you a little unreasonable.”
She stood and looked down at him. “I’m going to go now, because this just seems to be getting worse and we’re both tired.”
“I don’t want you to go, Lydia.”
“And I don’t want to sit here and talk about how my issues are making me unsupportive and unreasonable.”
“That’s not fair. Look, you married an asshole. That sucks, but that guy being an asshole doesn’t mean I’m an asshole, too, just because we do the same job.” He set his mug on the table. “I’m not carrying some other guy’s baggage.”
