Page 69 of Heat Exchange
“You said you needed space. All I knew was that our marriage might be over and it was like this...freezing cold nor’easter swirling inside me and I didn’t know what to do with that. I was afraid I’d explode with it if I tried to change your mind, so I gave you the space.”
“Andthat’sthe problem! You shut down. It’s like you don’t even care. If you cared, you’d at least say something. I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to look the way you do right now.”
“That’s when people say bad stuff, Ashley,” he said, hating the way his voice was getting loud, but he was running out of chances to make her understand. “When people lose their cool, that’s when they say stuff they cannevertake back. Hurtful stuff. Name-calling. Words designed to cut to the bone. I don’t ever want to hurt somebody I love because I said something awful and hurtful in the heat of the moment.”
She stared at him for what felt like years, and then her face softened. “I’m not your mother, Danny. And you are most certainly not your father. We would never say things like that to each other.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Idoknow that. We love each other. And you know my family, Danny. You’ve seen us go off on each other. Sometimes we even call each other names and it gets loud and crazy, but we’re not mean. There’s a difference.”
“People say things when they lose control of their emotions.” Shame made his face feel hot when he realized his voice was choking up. “Great. Now I’m going to cry like a girl because I’m weak. I guess you’re going to get all those emotions you want.”
“Bullshit. You’re allowed to cry when your life’s coming undone, Danny. It’s not weak.” He was surprised when she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him close. “God, I hate your parents. I’m sorry, but I really hate them.”
All Danny knew was the feel of his wife in his arms and he held her as tight as he could without hurting her. He pressed his face into her hair and fought to control his raging emotions. Not because he didn’t want to express them, but because he wanted to talk and he couldn’t right now.
Ashley was trembling, her fingernails pressing into his lower back, and he kissed the top of her head. “I’ll go to counseling.”
“Do you mean it?”
Even muffled against his shirt, he could hear the tears and the hope in her voice. “I do. I’ll go with you and maybe I’ll go alone, too. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy. To makeushappy.”
She squeezed his waist and he closed his eyes, letting himself believe everything would be okay. He wouldn’t stay tonight, no matter how much he wanted to. They were both too raw and the night had been far too emotionally exhausting. He needed to think about the fact that, in his effort to not be his parents, he’d gone too far and suppressed too much. They were, in that way, still affecting his marriage despite his vow long ago their relationship would never touch his. It was a lot to process, and he knew she’d finally understood why he’d built that wall she hated. There were still a lot of deep, personal conversations in their near future.
But the important thing was therewasa future. Ashley was his again and that was the only thing that mattered to him. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, Danny. I always have and that’s never going to change.”
* * *
LYDIAHADBEENat work for only half an hour the next day when Scotty walked through the door. He looked agitated, but she didn’t think anything of it because it wasn’t an usual look for her brother.
He sat at the end of the bar, rather than down where their father was loitering, whichwasunusual. Lydia set a coaster in front of him. “You want a soda? It’s a little early for a beer.”
“Day off, so I can have a beer if I want.”
She raised her eyebrow, not caring for his tone. “A beer it is, then.”
After she set it in front of him, she started to walk away, intending to get the order sheet so she could start figuring out what they needed from their distributors in the near future. While Danny and Ashley had had a good talk, according to her sister, they still had a ways to go in the communication department. But at least they both knew now that neither of them wanted a divorce.
“I wanna know what’s going on between you and Hunt.”
Lydia jerked her head around, eyebrows arched. He’d said it quietly, so maybe she’d heard him wrong. “Excuse me?”
“You and Aidan. What’s going on with that?”
“You seem to have me confused with somebody who answers to you.”
“It was bugging me last night, but I couldn’t figure out why. Then, this morning, it hit me. Aidan’s been acting weird for a while, like there was something wrong. I haven’t seen as much of him. I haven’t seen a lot of you. And there were some looks between you last night.”
It was something of a crossroads, she thought. She could tell him he was crazy and, if she tried hard enough, she could make him believe that. Then they’d laugh at how stupid he was and she’d give him another beer.
But this was a head-on confrontation, right here, and she knew that in this situation, Aidan wouldn’t lie to Scotty. He would see a distinction between lies of omission and lying straight to her brother’s face, and it would matter to him.
“It’s not really any of your business,” she said, because that wasn’t a lie, either.
“Like hell it’s not.”
