Page 11 of Through The Rain
“Thank you,” he said when he slid into his seat at the table. She’d brewed him a coffee this morning, which he took as another good sign.
The coffee cake was delicious, but it felt as if it was catching in his throat with every swallow. And Emily was a little on the quiet side, which didn’t help. But they had a nice breakfast together and he helped her clean up the minimal mess the light meal had made.
“Let’s go for a walk,” she said once they’d run out of things to keep them busy, her gaze not meeting his.
He knew what that meant. It was time for them to talk about what came next, and doing it outside while walking might help the conversation feel less intense. Moving around and having a reason to avoid eye contact would help if things got hard.
As far as Scott was concerned, it didn’t matter if they were inside, outside or in a canoe in the middle of the lake—he wasn’t giving up this time. Their marriage being over was not fine, and this time, no matter how hard it was to find the right words, Emily was going to know that.
They pulled on hooded sweatshirts and shoved their feet into boots, since it was still cold and the ground was wet. Hope flared when she gave him a bright smile on her way to the door, warming him so deeply, he didn’t think the chilly spring air could touch him.
As soon as they stepped out onto the porch, he could hear the chainsaws. There were at least two of them, and they sounded close enough to be at the end of the driveway.
The clock was ticking on their time together.
Emily headed toward the water, and he followed. As he fell into step beside her, he wanted to link his fingers through hers, but she slid her hands into the front pocket of her sweatshirt. When she reached the edge of the water, she turned, tilting her head back to look into his eyes. She pulled one hand out of her pocket and held it out to him.
It was her left hand, and he brushed his finger over the slight ridge where her rings should be before lacing their fingers together. He’d never forget the emotional gut-punch he’d felt the first time he’d seen her naked left hand. She’d taken them off before, of course, if she was gardening or cooking something messy. But that had been different.
“What happens when we go home?” Her voice cracked on the word home, and she cleared her throat. “When we go back. To our homes.”
“The place I’m living right now is not my home.” He threaded his fingers through hers. “You are my home, Emily.”
“I’ve missed you. I’m not happy without you.” She drew in a deep breath, and even though her words sparked hope deep inside of him, he didn’t react. She wasn’t done. “Being here with you has been amazing, but I’m scared, Scott. I’m afraid we’re going to leave here and you’re going to come home and everything will just be the way it was before.”
It wouldn’t. There was no way he could ever again be the guy he’d been before he lost everything. That man didn’t exist anymore. He wasn’t sure how he could make her believe that, though. “I’m not sure how I managed to be an absentee husband while actually in the house, but I did and now I see what it does to us—how it hurt you. I don’t know how to convince you things will be different, but I can promise you that I’ll do my best to help refill your well rather than just draw from it.”
He didn’t squirm or try to look away as she looked into his eyes, and some of the tension eased from his limbs when her face softened into a warm look that felt like a hug. “I believe you. And I’ve missed you, Scott. So much I could hardly breathe from wanting to hear your voice.”
“I love you, Emily.” He hadn’t wanted to put any pressure on her, but he couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“I love you, too. I never stopped. “But—”
That one three-letter word was like a fist to his gut. But. She shook her head slightly, as if she didn’t want to continue, and he wasn’t sure he wanted her to, either. There was no way he could get words past the lump in his throat, so all he could do was wait until she’d sorted out what she wanted to say.
“Scott, I know you’re probably going to refuse because your parents raised you not to talk about your emotions, but I really think we should see a marriage counselor. Just to help us not end up in this spot again.”
“That’s a good idea,” he said, and her eyes widened with surprise. Yes, he’d been raised to never share family business with strangers, but he’d do anything to be the man Emily needed him to be. “And maybe I should see somebody individually, too.”
“Wow.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “I didn’t expect you to say that.”
“If junk from the way I was raised is keeping me from letting you know every day that you are the most loved woman on this whole planet, I need to fix that. I want to fix that.”
“You’d do that for me? For us?”
“I’d do anything for you. I know…I’ve always known I’m not good at sharing my feelings, but I thought it was okay.” He paused, blinking back the unfamiliar sheen of tears across his vision. “You deserve more than okay, and I’ll knock on the door of anybody who can help me do better. I want to give you the best of me, Emily.”
“And I want to give you the best of me.” She sucked in a deep breath and let it out in a rush.
But before she could say whatever it was that would probably determine the path of the rest of their lives, his phone rang. The chainsaws had stopped, and without looking at the screen, he knew it was the phone call he’d been both waiting for and dreading.
“Answer it so we know what’s going on,” she said when he hit the button to silence the ringer. He’d been about to hit it again to send the call to voicemail because his conversation with Emily was a hell of a lot more important, but she was right. They needed an update.
The phone call was blessedly brief, and while Scott talked to the guy from the tree service, he watched Emily. She walked slowly along the shoreline, and he couldn’t help trying to analyze her body language. She looked relaxed—at peace—and he knew she’d made her decision.
When he thanked the caller and slid the phone back into his pocket, she turned to face him. She’d moved too far away for him to take her hand again, but she smiled. “What did he say?”
“The trees have been taken care of. They cut them enough to drag them out of the way and it’s a mess, but they’ll finish cutting them up later.”
