Page 49 of Sean
Monica couldn’t remember the last time she’d taken an entire day off.To do so would feel lazy.
“You’ve mentioned forgetting important details on a few projects recently.I’m no psychologist, but burnout is a real thing.Maybe you need to take a step back and decide which things are the most important.I think it’s time to focus some of your energy on your wants and needs.”
Monica didn’t know what she should give up, if anything, but Bobbie’s words made sense.She did feel burned out and overwhelmed.“What about Sean?”
“You really think you love him?”
As much as she wished she didn’t, considering how he obviously felt about her, she had to be honest with herself—and her friend.“I do.But is real love even possible after such a short acquaintance?”
Bobbie shrugged.“You’re asking a girl who was saved by an angel.Anything’s possible.God has a plan for our lives.Who’s to say how slowly or how suddenly He reveals it?I know you see an important job to be done in Arizona, but is that more important than the possibility of helping to heal two broken lives?”
“It’d be easier if Sean would talk to me.”
“Just keep praying.God won’t let you down.I can tell you that from experience.”
***
SEAN PACED IN FRONTof his father’s closed office door, grateful that the floor didn’t squeak with each step.He was trying to work up the nerve to interrupt his dad’s studying for tomorrow’s sermon.Not that Dad would mind.That wasn’t what had him hesitating.It was knowing that if he went in there asking questions, he’d have to deal with the answers his father would give him.
“Sean,” Dad called.“You might as well come in.”
Sean froze like a child guilty of mischief.He’d thought his mother was the only one with parental ESP.He opened the door a crack.“Sorry.I was trying not to bother you.”
“Right.There’s nothing more relaxing than someone skulking outside the door.”His smile took any sting out of the words.“Come in and have a seat.”
Sean did but wasn’t sure how to start.
Maybe Dad felt his conflicting emotions because he sat back as if he had nothing else to do but chat.“I remember another conversation in my office, back when your mom and I were having trouble.I think you came to scold me, but you ended up telling me about your call to the ministry.I was so proud of you that night, and I’ve only gotten prouder over the years.”
Sean ducked his head.“I find that hard to believe.”
“Son, the ministry demands a lot from people.This last year has been hard on you.I’m not surprised that you needed some time to figure out how to be a father.Focusing on your son is never going to be the wrong decision.Any preacher...let’s make that any Christian, who tells you they’ve never dealt with a crisis of faith is lying.The key is in how we deal with it.Do we use our faith to come out victorious on the other side, or do we throw in the towel and quit?”
Sean didn’t look up.“Then how can you possibly be proud of me?”
“Because I know what you’re made of.Losing Brittany was traumatic but I have faith that you’ll figure it all out in the end.Is that what you’ve come to talk about?”
Sean pushed up from his chair and resumed his pacing.“Yes and no.”
“I’m here for you, son, whatever it is.”
Sean came to a halt and leaned over the back of the chair.His fingers were so tense that his knuckles were white.He released his hands and tried to shake the tension free.
Good luck with that.
He ignored the thought, searching for the best way to broach the subject of Monica.“How do you know when you’re ready?”The words came out blurted and breathless, but once the dam broke, there was no stopping it.
“I didn’t come home to get over the loss of Brittany.I don’t even think it’s possible.But I needed to stop seeing her in every corner of our apartment.I treasure the memories, but I was going crazy.If I couldn’t move on, there was no way I could raise Jace.”
“Okay.”
Sean pushed his hand through his hair.“It’s hard to explain.Right now, Jace doesn’t know that anything is missing, but he will someday.There’s going to come a time when he goes to church or school and realizes that all his little friends have a parent he doesn’t have.Who knows how that will affect him?Maybe he’ll blow it off, but maybe he’ll grieve.He’ll certainly have questions, questions I won’t be able to answer if I’m still mired in my own memories and grief.”Sean rounded the chair and sat.“I’m sorry if I’m not making much sense.”
“You’re doing fine.Let’s circle back to your original question.How do you know when you’re ready?Ready for what?”
“I didn’t come home to move on from Brittany,” he repeated.“Even the thought makes me a little sick.I loved her more than anything in this world.The guilt I carry over decisions we made will haunt me forever.”
“Sean, you both did what you thought was best.”
