Page 54 of Sean
Sean watched in silence as Monica tried to put his memories and his present feelings into context.He wished her luck.There was no way to draw a straight line from his first encounter with Matthew Wright to his last and arrive at the bitter outcome.It was more like the tracings of an EKG machine.
When Monica finally spoke, her eyes were narrowed and crinkled at the corners.“You dislike Matthew Wright because he interrupted your vacation?”
“No.”
The crinkles got deeper.“Was his message that bad?”
“It was actually one of the best sermons I’ve heard in my entire life.By the time he was done, I was sitting on the edge of my seat.”
“I don’t understand.”
Sean stood, went to the sink, and rinsed out his cup.This was the hard part.He almost hoped that Jace would wake up so he’d have an excuse to be done.When his subliminal message to the cosmos failed, he returned to the bar and took his seat.“That sermon changed the direction of my life.Matthew was forceful and charismatic and sympathetic and convincing all at the same time, and I wanted to be just like him.I left the arena that night with something in my spirit that I could not let go of.I went in a typical fourteen-year-old with no thought beyond what happens before bedtime, and I came out knowing that I was called to the ministry.”
“Sean, that’s amazing.”
“Maybe for some people, but it terrified me.I’d grown up watching my dad.I saw the cost of ministry firsthand.I’d seen the toll it’d taken on my parents’ marriage.They were...”Sean paused for a moment and thought carefully about how he should phrase his next thought.The gritty details were his parents’ story not his, so he went with simple.“Living on the brink of divorce and us kids?Dad was never home, he never went to school functions, he never had time to do the things regular dads do.That wasn’t how I wanted to live my life.”
Monica frowned.“Hold up a minute.Your parents seem like they have an incredibly solid marriage.”
“They do now.You said you’ve been here less than a year.A few years ago things weren’t so sunny for any of us.The life they’re living in the ministry right now is one I was proud to try to emulate, but at the age of fourteen, that was not the example or the life I had.
“Anyway, I walked out of that arena with a load on my shoulders that I wasn’t sure how to carry.I certainly didn’t mention it to either of my parents.I spent the rest of my school years, even into college, searching for something other than the ministry to satisfy my life and future.It wasn’t until my sophomore year that I finally gave in to the inevitable.”
Monica touched his hand.“You make it sound like a prison sentence.”
Sean’s answering grin was wry.“God and I may not be on the best of terms right now, but I haven’t forgotten what I was taught all my life.I’m a firm believer that we are all born with a call on our lives and a path to follow.Fighting against that calling just makes life tougher.”He was preaching to himself, and the words pricked his heart.
I still have a path for you, son.I have good things for your future.
Sean grimaced as God stacked love on top of his guilt.With a deep breath, he continued his story.“I transferred to a university in Oregon for my junior and senior years.While I was studying theology, Matthew Wright held another crusade.I signed up as a volunteer for the event and spent every night for a week soaking in some of the best ministry I’d ever experienced.When the event was over, Matthew held a meet-and-greet for all of the volunteers.I was overwhelmed to be in the same room with such greatness.”
Monica laughed.“You’re such a goof.”
“Really?”Sean met her gaze.“The way you talk about him, you sound a lot like I did back then.”
“I’ll give you that, but there are worse heroes to have than a minister.Did you get to meet him?”
“We had a nice long talk.I told him about the impact he’d had on my life, and we exchanged contact information.Over the next few years, Matthew sent me many encouraging emails.He always wanted to know how my studies were going, always offered to help if I had questions.When I graduated, he sent a really nice handwritten letter telling me how proud he was of me and my dedication to the ministry.”
“That’s super nice.”Monica sounded confused, which he understood.
Sean stood and paced to the refrigerator, where he grabbed a bottle of cold water.He twisted the cap off, tossed it at the trash can, and drained nearly the whole bottle in one gulp.It didn’t help his parched throat.
He leaned against the refrigerator, his eyes closed, his mind far from Garfield, Oklahoma.“Then I met Brittany and everything changed.I knew she was the one for me the moment I saw her.When I found out that she held a major in psychology and a minor in theology, I knew that our coming together was a God thing.Dating was just a formality.We were married before the end of the year.”
“How long did you know each other before you got married?”
“About six months.”
“That’s a quick courtship.”
“When you know, you know.We knew.”Sean pushed away from the refrigerator and prowled the room.“I’d already been in discussions with the lead pastor at the church in Ohio.He was happy to welcome both of us.We were there about two and a half years when we found out she was expecting Jace.”He paused at the door, wanting nothing more than to walk away.The next part of the story would either kill him or cleanse him.He didn’t know which, but there was no middle ground.
“She was three months along when I got an invitation from Matthew.”
“That sounds ominous.”
Sean turned around at Monica’s whispered words.“It shouldn’t have been.He was starting a mentorship program.He was inviting two young ministers to join him in Arizona for four months, all expenses paid.He wanted me to be one of the first two.His letter said it was something he felt God had laid on his heart and if it worked, it would turn into an annual thing.He wanted me there in two weeks.”
