Page 65 of Sean
Sean blinked, trying to assimilate the words.“Free?”
“Absolutely free,” Matthew said.“As a favor for a friend.”
Sean couldn’t believe what he was hearing.He scrubbed his face with both hands.“Free,” he mumbled.“She’s gonna kiss me right on the mouth.”
Matthew’s smile was smug.“That good a friend, huh?”
Sean realized he’d said the words out loud and hurried to change the subject.“I appreciate the offer, but you don’t have to do it for free.”
“I insist,” Matthew said.“I’ll have my event team draw up the proper paperwork.They’ll get it in the mail right after Christmas.Anything else I can do for you?”
“No, that’s more than enough.You don’t know how much this’ll means to her.I appreciate it.”
“Let’s have dinner to celebrate.”
Sean looked at his watch.“I wish I could, but I’ve got a flight to catch and a son to get home to.”He stood, and when Matthew did, too, he held out his hand.“I’ll look forward to seeing you next month.”It surprised him just how much he meant those words.
Matthew walked him to the door, put his hand on the knob, and faced Sean.“You had a question for me.Now, I have one for you.”
“Sure.”
The intensity in Matthew’s gaze made him squirm.“Was it a lie?”
Sean studied his friend and mentor, racking his brain for some clue that might provide an answer to the question.He came up empty.“I don’t know what you mean.”
“All the young people you ministered to.The ones you comforted, the ones you counseled, the ones you loved on.You had a vibrant ministry, and I can only assume that part of that included telling those kids that Jesus loved them.That whatever the question, whatever the circumstance, whatever the hurt, the answer was Jesus.Did you not mean those words when you said them?”
Sean bowed his head, unable to come up with a good answer.It hadn’t been a lie at the time, but it sure seemed like one now.He closed his eyes as a memory flooded his heart, one he hadn’t thought of in a long time.It was still remarkably clear given the time and distance.
He’d been a youth pastor for about six months when an accident claimed the life of Marsha Holden.Marsha had been a single mother, doing her best to raise a twelve-year-old son.Kurt had come to Sean’s office one afternoon, grief in his eyes and tears streaming down his face.He’d had questions that no one could answer.Questions about what he was supposed to do now and why would a God, who Sean said loved him, leave him alone in the world.
Words about a fallen world and the evil that sometimes happened to good people, words that some adults struggled to understand, would have been pointless.Sean sat beside him, an arm around his shoulder, and they prayed together.Sometime during that session, Sean had seen Kurt’s countenance change.He’d sat up and looked Sean right in the eye.
“Mom’s in heaven right now.”It had been a statement, not a question.
“That’s God’s promise to everyone who accepts Jesus into their heart.”
“And heaven is supposed to be perfect, right?”
“The most perfect thing you can imagine,” Sean had assured him.
Kurt nodded before he stood, straight and tall, a smile replacing the tears.“Then I’m going to live my life for Jesus every day because as perfect as heaven is, it won’t be perfect for Mom if I’m not there.”
The thought was like a sucker punch to Sean’s middle.He knew that Brittany was in heaven.Was she wondering about him?Would her perfection be less than perfection if he gave up his faith?
“I want you to think about something.”Matthew must’ve sensed Sean was wrestling because he didn’t seem to expect him to answer his question.“I know you feel like you have a good reason to distance yourself from God and your ministry.But, son, it’s not just you who will have to deal with that distance.”
Sean swallowed heavily.“Jace...”
“Whether you like it or not,” Matthew said, “that boy is going to live the life that you model for him.It’ll be your example that he follows into adulthood.I could say a lot of things right now about throwing your life away.About where you’re going to spend eternity.But all of those things are secondary.My question to you is this: What example do you want your son to follow?What would Brittany want her son to follow?”
The question doubled Sean over.
What had he done?He’d been worried about betraying Brittany with another woman, but he hadn’t given a thought about the worst betrayal of all.What would Brittany want for her son?She’d want that son to live a life that brought him back to her in the future.
Which meant, more than anything, she’d want Sean to be the man to teach him the truth.
Agony twisted his insides, and his knees turned to water.Before he knew it, he was kneeling on the floor in Matthew’s office.
