Page 68 of Sean
No.
She forced her hands behind her back.Maybe she was a doer, but nobody could do everything.If she didn’t learn from her mistakes and from the wise words of friends, what good could she really do?In the time she’d spent in Garfield, she’d taken every opportunity the church had offered.In the community, she volunteered for every function advertised.If she was honest, she took on more at work than she should.
They were all good things, but as her recent fiasco had shown, attempting to do it all was overwhelming and, ultimately, counterproductive.
But this was who she was.She was a doer.She was a helper.If she wasn’t, then who was she?
Maybe there was a compromise between Bobbie’s advice and her father’s expectations.She could choose only the volunteer positions she really loved.But even the thought of that sent her anxiety spiking.
But why?Shouldn’t clearing out her schedule make her feel more relaxed?What was going on?
The questions dogged her as she snagged the things from the back of the chair and hung them in the coat closet before grabbing up the shoes and carrying them to the bedroom.The oversized T-shirt was replaced with jeans and a button-down.On the way to the kitchen she grabbed up the overflowing laundry basket and dropped it by the washer.She loaded the dishwasher, took out the trash, lists and all, started a load of laundry, and ran the vacuum.In just over an hour her apartment was tidy and her mood was beginning to lift.
Activity had always been her drug of choice, but maybe more activity wasn’t the thing she needed right now.Maybe what she needed was to be still and focus on what God had to say about the situation.
She sat on one of the kitchen chairs and bowed her head.“Father, I’m so grateful to You.Even when I mess things up, You’re always there to lift me above it.Forgive me for the times I’ve let that truth escape me, and give me the grace I need to accept Your plan and Your will in everything I do.Help me make meaningful decisions, not impulsive ones.I want to workwithYou, not justforYou.Help me understand the difference.”She paused and swallowed as she was forced to admit that the first thing she needed to do was stop racing here and there and start watching for the opportunities that God sent her way.
“I’m sorry, Father.It’s not just the January event I’ve messed up.Dad’s gone and I can’t please him anymore, but You’re still here and nothing means more to me than pleasing You.Direct my path.Help me find Your purpose for my life.You gave me a heart to work, let me use it for You in everything I choose to do.
“Please go before me on Monday.I have to talk to Nicholas and Kate.I don’t know what’s going to happen, but You do.I can’t fix this, Lord.I can’t roll up my sleeves and scrub away the problem I’ve created.I leave it in Your hands.Give me the strength not to snatch it back.”
She lifted her head feeling lighter than she’d felt all morning.
No, than she’d felt in...years.Her father had expected her to work for his love.No, he’d never said that, but that was how she’d taken it.Maybe if he’d lived longer, she’ d have learned this lesson long ago.Instead, she’d held on to the Daddy who’d praised her hard work.
But her Heavenly Father loved her no matter what.Even now, after she’d muffed this event so badly, He loved her.She could rest in that.
And it was Christmas Eve!She had a date with Sean tonight, Jace would be there in all of his cuteness, and she had cookies to bake.Not because she’d promised.Not because anyone needed her to contribute, but just because she wanted to.
The thought brightened her mood even more.Her heart was totally engaged with Sean and Jace, and she wanted to see where this budding relationship was going.
Would she have been able to leave them for the job with Matthew Wright?She didn’t have an answer for that question and now, she wouldn’t need one.
Life was good, even in the middle of disappointment.
***
SEAN PUT HIS HANDSover his ears to block out the sound of Jace’s pounding colorful shapes into a wooden work bench with a hammer.He’d had a nice, quiet day.He should have enjoyed it more.
He looked up from his place on the sofa next to Monica.When he caught his mother’s eye, he hollered, “You meant that gift to stay here, didn’t you?”
Mom’s smile was sly.“Only if you take that infernal motorcycle home when you leave tonight.An even trade, one noise-maker for the other.”
Benjamin, dressed in blue jeans, a red sweater, and a red Santa hat complete with white trim picked up another box from under the tree and approached their father.The box was on the small side, and Sean couldn’t wait to see Dad’s expression.He and Benjamin had collaborated on the gift.
Benjamin stopped in front Dad’s chair and held the box over his head.“Ho ho ho.Have you been a good boy this year?”
“Good enough to control the rest of the packages under the tree.I did see a few with your name on them.”He sat back with a smug smile.“I don’t get mine, you don’t get yours.”
Santalooked at their mother.“Mom,” he whined, “Dad’s not playing fair.”But, he handed over the gift.He looked as eager as Sean felt.
After checking the tag, Dad ripped the wrapping off the package, opened the lid, and pulled out a plastic car.He studied it closely before giving Sean and Benjamin a puzzled expression.“I think I must be missing something.”
“It’s a car,” Benjamin said.
“I can see that.”
“Not just any car,” Sean said.“It’s a Lamborghini.”
