Page 101 of Things We Never Said
‘Yes, all over bar the shouting,’ Maggie says. ‘He’s got a good voice on him for shouting, too. You’ll see. Go!’
Sean glances at the doorway before looking back at Maggie. ‘Where is it?’
‘Third floor,’ Maggie says. ‘Then down the long corridor, turn right where it goes from green to blue, and then room twenty-nine. If you go up the stairs in the corner there, you won’t have to pass by reception. She’s not the fastest receptionist in the world ...’
Sean crosses the lobby, pushes open the door and then sprints up the staircase. By the time he reaches April’s room, his heart is racing.
‘Dad!’ April exclaims as he bursts through the door. ‘You made it!’
Ronan is lounging on the bed beside April, and in her arms, swaddled in a white blanket, is her tiny, newborn child.
Sean freezes at the threshold and stares, in shock, at the scene. Memories of lying next to Catherine on a similar hospital bed momentarily flood his mind.
‘Well, come on,’ April says. ‘Come and meet Jake.’
‘I’m so sorry I missed all of this,’ Sean says, crossing the room. ‘I was visiting your gran down in Wiltshire.’
‘I know,’ April says. ‘Ronan told me. But it doesn’t matter. You’re here now.’
‘I did try to call you,’ Ronan says, ‘but there was never any answer.’
‘Sorry,’ Sean replies. ‘Bloody phone was on silent.’ Then, addressing April, ‘Did you say Jake? I thought it was going to be Jack.’
‘Oh, I know you’re not keen, and we’ll change it if you’re dead set against. But we both really like it, don’t we?’ She glances at Ronan, who nods, shrugs and smiles simultaneously.
Sean leans in at the bedside and reaches out to gently stroke the baby’s tiny ear. ‘Jake’s fine,’ he says softly. ‘I’ll get over it. I already did, actually.’
Baby Jake blows a bubble of spittle and half cries, half gurgles as he tries to reach for Sean’s finger, but April moves him away. ‘Sorry, Dad, but could you wash your hands, do you think? Because this baby sucks everything.’
‘Sure,’ Sean says. ‘Of course. I won’t be a tick.’
By the time Sean gets back from the bathroom, Maggie has returned. ‘Isn’t he beautiful?’ she says when Sean re-enters the room.
‘He is,’ Sean agrees. ‘And he looks exactly like his mother did when she was born.’
‘Hopefully I wasn’t quite as blotchy,’ April says.
‘You were exactly as blotchy,’ Sean tells her. ‘But don’t worry, it soon goes away.’
‘Thank God for that,’ April says. ‘So does he really look like me? Or is that just something everyone feels they have to say?’
‘No, he really does,’ Sean tells her. ‘You had that same expression on your face. Like you were permanently surprised.’ He looks from the baby to April and their eyes meet for a moment too long. April sighs and bites her bottom lip and Sean’s eyes begin to water, and he knows that they had the same thought at the same instant – he can sense that they are both missing the same person at the same time. He can feel that they are standing side by side in that moment, peering together into the void of Catherine’s absence. Sean swipes at his watery eyes and manages to force a smile and wink at his daughter.
‘Have you held him yet?’ Maggie asks, breaking the tension.
Sean clears his throat. ‘No,’ he says. ‘No, I haven’t.’
Less than ten minutes later a nurse appears to bustle them from the room. ‘Rules is rules,’ she says. ‘I don’t know how you even got in. You can come back at visiting time, but right now, you need to be O-U-T – out!’
In the corridor, Sean lingers, momentarily unsure what to do for the next three hours.
‘Coffee?’ Maggie suggests. ‘There’s a Costa opposite. And I could do with some food to tell the truth. I think I might faint otherwise.’
‘Sure,’ Sean says. ‘That’s a great idea.’
The second they are seated, Maggie sinks her teeth into her sandwich, groans with pleasure and then asks, through crumbs, ‘So how does it feel, Grandpa?’
Sean snorts. ‘Grandpa,’ he repeats. ‘It feels lovely. A bit sad, too, actually. A bit bittersweet, you know?’
