Page 35 of Things We Never Said
She glances at Ronan and reaches for his wrist before turning back to face Sean. ‘I’m pregnant,’ she says. ‘So we really need to sort out our own place before that happens.’
‘God!’ Sean says. ‘You’re pregnant?’
Despite the fact that he thought he sounded pretty convincing, April pulls a face. ‘You knew. Did Mum tell you that we were trying?’
‘No,’ Sean says. He looks at Ronan and, despite himself, wonders if the baby is Ronan’s. And then he looks at April and wonders, then forcefully decides, that sheishis daughter. ‘Nope,’ he says. ‘She really didn’t say a word.’
‘Huh,’ April says. She’s clearly unconvinced.
‘She didn’t,’ Sean insists, even though he’s not sure why he’s lying. Perhaps because Catherine told him not in person but on the tapes. And April doesn’t know about the tapes, yet, does she? ‘But it’s not a new concept, you know?’ Sean continues. ‘Boy meets girl. Girl gets pregnant ... Plus, I noticed that you’re not drinking.’
‘Ah,’ April says. ‘Yes, I suppose with my track record that is a bit of a giveaway. Anyway, you can understand now why we need our own place.’
‘You know we hadyouin a shared student house for your first two years,’ Sean reminds her.
‘Yes. But like I said, I’m not a student.’
‘No. That’s true. I wasn’t saying—’
‘The thing is,’ April interrupts, ‘we need your help.’
‘OK. Fire away.’
‘They need a guarantor. For the rent. It’s two thousand, two hundred a month.’
‘It’s only because I’m self-employed,’ Ronan tells him. ‘I mean, we can pay it. But we need to convince them of that.’
‘Of course,’ Sean says. ‘No problem.’
‘Really?’ April asks.
‘Of course. Why would I say no?’
April’s features slip into a cute frown. She leans in and pecks her father on the cheek. ‘Oh, thanks, Big Daddy,’ she says. ‘You’re the best, you are.’
‘You’re welcome, Little Daughter.’
‘I would ask my dad,’ Ronan says. ‘But—’
Sean raises one hand, interrupting him. ‘It’s not a problem,’ he says. ‘Really.’ His voice sounds slightly broken, and he realises that he’s unexpectedly on the verge of tears. ‘Sorry, um ... need the loo,’ he says, stumbling from the table before they can notice.
In the bathroom, he locks the door, then sits on the closed toilet seat and rubs his brow. He swallows with difficulty. Because, yes, despite having prepared himself for this moment, he’s upset. Catherine’s absence, at this specific moment in his life, feels devastating.
After a minute or so, he stands and looks in the mirror, at his own, glistening eyes.
He hears Catherine’s voice saying, ‘I never wanted grandchildren. Other people’s kids have always seemed a special kind of hell.’ He hadn’t realised it before, but he now knows that it was a lie designed to make him feel better. Because of course nothing, quite simply nothing, would have made Catherine happier than meeting her daughter’s first child.
When Sean gets back from the bathroom, April and Ronan are smiling at him and looking expectant. There’s a vaguely fake air to their expressions, from which Sean deduces that they’ve been discussing something contentious in his absence.
‘So, there’s one more thing,’ April says, as Sean resumes eating. ‘We don’t ... we don’t think we want to get married.’
‘OK,’ Sean says, slowly. ‘Why not?’
April screws up her nose. ‘We just don’t really believe in it. Neither of us do.’
‘That’s fair enough. It’s entirely up to you two, I would think. As long as you agree.’
‘We basically do,’ April says. ‘You don’t mind, then?’
