Page 47 of Things We Never Said
‘I am. I’m driving home. You’re on the hands-free thing.’
‘Oh, OK. And no. Nothing bad. He just said the same thing as you about the puncture, really. Only being Ronan, he went on about it until I got annoyed.’
‘You should try just agreeing sometimes,’ Sean tells his daughter. ‘Especially when people are talking sense.’
‘Yeah,’ April says, vaguely. ‘So, how was Gran? You went on Saturday, didn’t you?’
‘I did,’ Sean says, swinging around Mitcham’s Corner, past their first ever apartment, hidden behind a high brick wall, then heading right, over the bridge, into town. ‘She was worse than when you saw her, if that’s possible.’
‘Is that possible?’ April asks.
‘Yes. Yes, I’m afraid it is. I don’t think she even realised that I was there, honey. It felt like a bit of a wasted journey, to be honest.’
‘Oh, Dad,’ April says, woefully. ‘I’m so sorry. I mean, on top of everything else ... But you’d have felt bad if you hadn’t gone.’
‘Yes, I would have felt bad if I hadn’t gone,’ Sean repeats. ‘So ...’
‘So you didn’t tell her? I just wondered what she’d said. If you had told her, I mean.’
‘About your mother?’
‘Yes.’
‘Like I said before, there wouldn’t be any point,’ Sean says. ‘I may never tell her. Even if she did have a good day I don’t think there would be much point.’
‘Because it would just upset her?’
‘Because she’d probably just say “good riddance”,’ Sean replies. ‘You need to stop worrying about the fact that she doesn’t know.’
‘I just think it’s weird that you don’t want to tell her.’
‘April, honey, you’re not listening to me.’
‘I am, Dad. But she’s still family. And we don’t have a lot of family left.’
‘She’s my family, unfortunately. But she was never family as far as Catherine was concerned.’
‘Now, you see, that’s weird, too,’ April says. ‘I mean, we all know that Mum didn’t like her much. But I’ve only ever heard you defend her, and now suddenly you agree with Mum.’
‘Me? Defend her?’ Sean repeats, sounding shocked.
‘You did. You always tried to ... what’s the word? Mitigate. You always had an excuse for why she didn’t buy presents and why she was grumpy, and why she forgot Mum’s birthday. There was always a reason, according to you.’
‘I don’t think you’ll find that I made excuses for her, as such,’ Sean protests feebly.
‘You so did, Dad. So what’s changed now? That’s what I can’t work out. Did something happen when Mum was ill? Did Gran say something horrible about her, or—’
‘No,’ Sean says. ‘She didn’t. But if I did try to find mitigating circumstances, as you say I did, it will just have been to stop things getting even worse between them. They were like a cat and dog at the best of times, so I used to try to keep things calm. And it worked, for the most part.’
‘If you say so,’ April says doubtfully. ‘But I still think you should tell her.’
‘Well, maybe I will, one day.’
‘If you do, will you tell me what she says?’
‘Why do you care, honey?’ Sean asks, turning left onto Newmarket Road. ‘That’s what I don’t get.’
‘I don’t know,’ April says. ‘Because she’s still my gran, I suppose. Because maybe I’d still like to believe that she has a heart?’
