Page 119 of Where Do We Go From Here?
W: I am.
K: Good. That’s helpful. And how about cravings? Have you been craving alcohol since you stopped? Are you craving alcohol right now?
W: Yes, at first it was awful. I was ill with it. I was desperate. I couldn’t think of anything else. But now I just feel sort of depressed. Like I’d feel happier if I could have a drink.
K: You’re feeling depressed?
W: Yes.
K: How depressed is that?
W: Just, you know, normally depressed, really.
K: You feel sad?
W: Yes, I suppose so.
K: Like everything’s a bit pointless?
W: Yes.
K: How about hopeless?
W: No, not really. No, I wouldn’t go that far. Everything’s just very flat.
K: Are you having trouble getting out of bed, for example?
W: A bit, maybe.
K: How about thoughts of self-harm? Have you had any of those?
W: Oh, no. Nothing like that. I just feel down, really. I did, actually, have some of those sorts of thoughts when I was drinking. Towards the end. I thought about ending it all once or twice. Not that I ever would. But I can’t say it didn’t cross my mind. Because everything seemed so… bleak. But since I stopped, it’s more like disappointment, really.
K: Disappointment?
W: Yes. I think I thought if I stopped I’d feel all fit and, you know,bouncy– full of beans. But I just feel a bitdeflated, really. Like a punctured tyre or something. Like I’ve given up something that was fun. So that’s a bit of a disappointment.
K: Something ‘fun’ you say. Was it fun?
W: Sometimes it was. Yes.
K: So why did you stop on Boxing Day?
W: Because… Well, because I realised Icouldn’tstop. I kind of realised I was addicted. And I don’t like being out of control. I hate not being in control.
K: I see. So you stopped, cold turkey, on your own?
W: Yes. I took a bit of Valium-type stuff which helped. I looked it up on the web, and a few studies seemed to say that might help.
K: Valium-type stuff?
W: Oxazepam. The doctor prescribed it for me ages ago when I had trouble sleeping.
K: OK. And how much Oxazepam did you take when you stopped drinking?
W: Maybe ten half pills. I can’t remember the dosage, but they weren’t that strong. And all in the first week. Nothing since.
K: OK. That sounds very reasonable. And very strong willed of you.
