Page 149 of Where Do We Go From Here?
Wendy nestles her head against his shoulder and as they turn she studies the room to see what has changed since her last visit a year ago. Other than a couple of new cushions the place looks exactly the same and yet, it feels quite unfamiliar being here as a couple. It’s like a different place entirely.
‘Areyouworried?’ she asks, the thought having bubbled up from nowhere. ‘About the sex thing?’ It’s probably the love song that has prompted the thought, she decides belatedly.
‘Uh?’ Harry says, also surprised by the sudden change of subject. ‘Oh, no, not really. Why? Are you?’
‘So you are a bit?’ Wendy says.
‘Er… no. Not really. I guess I’m still hopeful. Plus, if I’m being totally honest, I’d say I’m getting to an age where it isn’t quite as important as before. Moments like this seem to mean more, if you know what I mean?’
‘Yes,’ Wendy says. ‘Yes, I do.’
‘Are you worried? Is it playing on your mind?’
‘No, I… Never mind. It’s silly, really,’ Wendy says.
‘No, it’s not… go on.’
‘I… Well, I suppose I worry that without being able to drink, it’ll never sort itself out. A drink always seemed to make all that stuff so much easier. D’you know what I mean?’
‘Yes,’ Harry says, pulling her close. ‘Yes, I thought that, too.’
‘And I suppose I worry that you’ll… have needs and…’
‘And be tempted to look elsewhere?’
‘Yes.’
‘I don’t think that’s going to happen,’ Harry says.
‘But what if it does?’
Harry fails to reply for two full revolutions and Wendy, whocan sense tears forming, starts to fear the worst. But then as she turns to face the front door again and George Harrison begins singing the final verse, Harry says, ‘Well, if it does, then I’ll let you know, OK?’
Wendy laughs genuinely at this. ‘I’m not sure that would help things, to be honest.’
‘Well, at least that way you won’t be worrying all the time about something that doesn’t exist. Right?’
This time it’s Wendy who does not reply. When Harry eventually prompts her with a simple, ‘Eh?’ combined with a squeeze, she says, ‘Can I have a think about it? Because between knowing and not knowing… I’m not sure. I’m really not sure what’s best.’
She wakes up early the next morning to find that Harry is no longer beside her. She lies there enjoying the silence and the smell of woodsmoke, and for a moment the place feels like home again – it’s as if she never left.
‘Make me a cuppa, will you?’ she calls out eventually, and when Harry does not reply, more loudly, ‘Haz?’ He’s probably listening to one of his podcasts.
When he still doesn’t reply, Wendy turns around in the bed and peers over the edge of the mezzanine. But Harry’s not downstairs either.
Thinking,He can’t have gone for a walk already, surely? It’s not even light, she climbs from the bed and pulls on her dressing gown.
Downstairs the stove is roaring, proof, if proof were needed, that Harry isn’t far, so she crosses to the window and peers out into the half-light to see him silhouetted against the brightening sky, wearing his overcoat, bobble hat and gloves, breath rising in steam-train puffs.
She cracks the door, letting in a rush of icy air, and calls out, ‘You OK out there? Don’t freeze!’
‘Christ!’ Harry says, turning sharply. ‘You made me jump!’ Then, ‘Yeah, this is one of the most beautiful views I’ve ever seen. I’m waiting for the sun to come over that hill. It’s almost there, look!’
In the distance a donkey brays, followed by the screech of a cock. ‘It’s cool, isn’t it?’ Wendy says before returning indoors. She always knew that he’d love it here, but she’s still relieved he does.
They eat a leisurely breakfast of croissants and pains au chocolat, and then call the kids one after the other on WhatsApp. It’s mid-afternoon in Bali and their call finds Todd and Amanda on a beach.
‘It’s like, you know, all those photos of tropical paradises,’ Todd tells them excitedly, before switching to the front-facing camera and performing a nauseatingly rapid 360 spin. ‘Look!’
