Page 16 of Where Do We Go From Here?
‘Oh, so I’m not allowed to watch TV now? I’m not allowed a glass of wine at the end of the day?’
‘I’m just saying that it’s maybe not as helpful as you think.’
‘You sit with your headphones on listening to your bloody podcasts,’ I pointed out. ‘What’s the difference? Plus you drink as much as I do.’
‘Well, I actually don’t,’ Harry said.
‘You bloody well do.’
‘I don’t. But look, that’s hardly the point. The point is that I don’t get snarky if anyone speaks to me.’
‘Snarky?’ I repeated. ‘Oh, I’m snarky, now, am I?’
‘Yes. A bit. And it’s not helpful. None of us need the extra stress of that right now. None of us have the space to cope with your stress as well as our own.’
I gasped. ‘I…’ I said. But I couldn’t think what to say.
I thought about my job and wished for a moment that I could take my family to work with me, for one day, so they had some conception of what I was dealing with.
‘I don’t understand…’ I said, sinking into one of the kitchen chairs. ‘It all seems so out of the blue. Where’s this coming from, Haz?’
‘It’s been a long time coming, actually,’ he said. ‘I’ve been trying to say something for ages. But Christmas and tier 4 have kind of forced my hand.’
I shook my head at the madness of it. ‘You really are asking me to move out, then? For Christmas?’
‘Look…’ Harry said.
‘Just say it. If that’s it, then at least admit it.’
‘The thing is, even I don’t want to be around you when you’re like this,’ Harry said. ‘God knows how the kids feel. I actually feel a bit sick about coming home.’
‘Then why don’tyoumove out?’ I asked, my tears morphing to anger. ‘This is myhome.’
‘I would,’ Harry said. ‘I’ve thought about it. I have. But the kids agree with me. And this is their home, too.’
‘God, have you been discussing me behind my back?’ I asked. ‘Have you been planning this whole little intervention, turning them against me? Is that why they’re both so uptight all the time?’ I swallowed with difficulty and then repeated, ‘This is my home, Harry. This is my family. And it’s Christmas. It’s bloody Christmas.’
‘Yes,’ Harry said. ‘Yes, I know. But I thought – I mean,you’ve done it before loads of times – so I thought if youcould– I mean, if Jill’s place is free – and seeing as you’re working all the time anyway – and seeing as there’s so much Covid around right now – well, we… I just thought you might be able to ask her if it’s OK. So the kids can come home for Christmas stress-free. And then we can take things from there in the new year. Maybe see someone together. Or separately. Work out where we’re going.’
‘I didn’t realise any of us were going anywhere,’ I said.
Fiona came downstairs at that moment and, being sleepy, failed to pick up on the icy atmosphere in the room. She slouched her way across to the counter, hair falling forwards so that I couldn’t even see her face, then pulled a box of cornflakes from the cupboard and one of the bowls from the shelf.
I turned my chair so that I could address her.
‘Wendy,’ Harry said quietly, pleadingly. ‘Don’t…’
‘No,’ I said. ‘You’re the one who keeps saying “we”. Let’s see what my darling daughter has to say about it all.’
Fiona turned to face me, the pack of cornflakes still in one hand. ‘What’s happening?’ she asked, speaking through her hair. ‘Are we arguing already? I mean, it’s not even eight o’clock.’
‘Your father says you want me out over Christmas,’ I said. ‘Is that true?’
‘I thought you were working anyway,’ she said, pushing hair behind her ear.
‘Not at nights, I’m not.’
‘But if we’re not gonna to see you, it hardly seems worth the risk,’ Fiona said, glancing at Harry for support. I saw from the corner of my eye that he winked at her encouragingly.
