Page 24 of Where Do We Go From Here?
‘And for money? Because you know how tight things are. What with the mortgage rate and the bills going up and everything. They’ve upped the gas bill to two hundred a month, by the way.’
‘I still have that money,’ I said. ‘I’ll just have to use some of that.’
‘Your inheritance?’
I nodded.
‘But…’
‘Yes?’
‘No, nothing,’ Harry said, swallowing and licking his lips.
‘No, really. Go on.’
‘Well, it’s just… I mean, it’s obviously your money for you to do whatever you want.’
‘Obviously.’
‘But you always said you wanted to do something – you know –specialwith it.’
This was true. Though I’d used almost half of it to bail us out of various tight spots in the years since my mother had died, I’d wanted to keep some back to use on something memorable. It seemed a bit disrespectful to fritter it away on bills.
‘Well, yes,’ I told Harry. ‘And maybe this is it. Maybe this is the special thing I’ve decided to do with it.’
I was chewing over the idea of adding, ‘Is using it to save our marriage really such a waste?’ but because I wasn’t sure if that was even my intention, I hesitated.
Harry spoke before I could decide anyway. ‘So you’re going to use it to just… I mean… I don’t mean to be, you know, critical or what-have-you. But I don’t really get it. You’re leaving your job withoutanyidea what you want to do?’
‘Yes. That is kind of the idea of a break.’
‘OK, but you’re gonna do what? Just sit around at home doing nothing? Because I’m not sure how healthy that’s going to be.’
In an instant I went from wanting to save my marriage to wanting to stab him with one of our excellent Japanese knives. I opened my mouth but nothing came out, and after a few seconds with his eyebrows raised in expectation, Harry gave up waiting and glanced at the kitchen clock.
I could sense my anger was about to burst forth, and because an argument wasn’t at all what I’d intended, I managed to say, through gritted teeth, ‘Go to work. We can talk about this tonight.’
He didn’t need telling twice.
By the time Harry got home that evening – early, for once, so that we could talk – I’d at least worked out how to sound coherent about it.
‘I’m going to rent somewhere and go away,’ I told him. ‘I’m going to take a six-month sabbatical to de-stress. I’ve been working like a dog for decades, and it’s the only thing I can think of that I can do to stop myself going completely mad. And it’s not a waste of money at all. I’m saving my mental health.’
‘Right,’ Harry said. ‘Yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so… this morning… I was surprised. And in a rush.’
‘I thought it might be something you’d want to do, too, and that we could talk about doing it together. But if not, I’ll do it on my own.’
‘Right,’ Harry said. ‘OK. Gosh.’
‘Do you think it might do us good?’ I asked. ‘Do you think we maybe need to see some new horizons? Together?’
‘Yeah,’ Harry said, looking shifty. ‘Maybe.’
‘Maybe,’ I repeated.
‘Look it’s just…’ he said. ‘To be honest, I think maybe what we need is more of a break.’
‘Well, that is what?—’
