Page 91 of Where Do We Go From Here?
‘Ah, so this is why you look…’ Manon says, nodding knowingly.
‘Yes,’ Wendy says. ‘This is why I look awful. Moving on, how was your Christmas?’
‘Bad,’ Manon says. ‘My father is with my brother in the… um… the rehab? He drives down there for Christmas Day. And my girlfriend, she’s with her family in Draguignan. So, I am alone. But it’s OK.’
‘And is he OK? Your brother? Is the rehab going well?’
Manon shrugs, but then shrugs again differently and rolls her eyes. ‘Officially, is all OK. It’s just…’
‘You’re not convinced,’ Wendy offers. ‘After all the times before.’
‘Yes, I am not convinced,’ Manon repeats. ‘And you? Your Christmas is good?’
‘It was… interesting,’ Wendy says. ‘In a way, it was good, yes.’
‘OK,’ Manon says. ‘Mysterious.’
‘Look,’ Wendy says. ‘What you said to me… about the drinking… I’m sorry I reacted badly. No one ever said that to me, before. I mean, really,never. And then, well, some other people have, since. So I’ve had to think about it and that’s been… challenging. I’m a bit shocked.’
‘Your daughter, she says something?’
‘Yes. Amongst others. So I was thinking… would you… Could you…? I mean, if it’s not too hard for you. Could you tell me some more about your mother? I’ve never really thought about this much before. Not properly. Not seriously.’
‘Sure,’ Manon says. ‘But what is it you are wanting to hear?’
‘I don’t know,’ Wendy says. ‘I’m just trying to understand, really. Because I probably have been drinking too much. That’s true, I think. I didn’t want to… you know… acknowledge that. But it’s probably true. And I’m not sure how much is… well… too much, really. You know?’
‘I think when it is not funny,’ Manon says. ‘If you drink and it’s not funny, then it’s too much…’
‘Yes,’ Wendy says. ‘Yes, I see. I was thinking the same thing this morning.’
‘My mother, for years, it is funny,’ Manon says. ‘Maybe a bittoo much, but not crazy. And then she drinks more. Aperitif. Aperitif early, in the morning.’
‘Yes, I’ve been doing that, too,’ Wendy says. ‘Pushingapérotime forward to eleven.’
‘Then drinking on her own. Secret drinking. She is hiding bottles in the bedroom, the bathroom, the car. They fight. Proper fights, like this…’ Here Manon mimes boxing. ‘And then it is too much so Papa, he leaves.’
‘Why didn’t he take you with him?’
‘Oh, he lives in very small place. And he works late every day. Sometimes weekends we go to the house of Mami. This is grandmama, yes?’
‘Just grandma,’ Wendy says. ‘And even then, your mother didn’t stop?’
‘She tries, you know, but she never gets help. I’m not sure there is help then for this. But anyway it’s hard to stop. You can die, you know?’
‘From drinking? Yes, of course you can.’
‘Of course. But also from no alcohol.’
‘Oh, you mean from withdrawal?’
‘Yes. If you drink like my mother, and you stop… Sometimes your body cannot…’
‘Yes,’ Wendy says. ‘Yes, we studied that in college. It’s the DTs.’
‘So, every time she has to start again because she thinks that she will die. She drinks vodka because she thinks nobody can smell this. But it’s not true. You can smell it on the skin. And everyone can see she is drunk. So she loses her job. And then she is home, and this is even more bad. We are dirty. House is dirty.’
Wendy looks around guiltily, and is relieved to remember that she cleaned. So she’s not the same as Manon’s mother. Not yet.
