Page 92 of Where Do We Go From Here?
‘I’m so sorry, Manon. That must have been really awful foryou,’ she says. ‘I can’t imagine. And how old did you say you were?’
‘Nine. I am nine when we come home and she is dead.’
‘That’s horrific.’
‘Yes. The worse. My brother he finds her and puts acouvertureover her so I don’t see. We call Papa and he comes. Ambulance. Neighbour. Policeman… I don’t remember so much. But after this we live with Mamie.’
‘God, Manon. And – I know this must be so difficult… but – it was drink? Just drink, I mean?’
‘Yes, but also some Lexomil. This is amédicamentto calm her when she stops drinking but it’s not so good with the vodka, so…’
‘That must have been so traumatic for you both.’
‘Traumatique ? Oui. For my brother more, I think. Because he finds her. This is why he drinks, maybe. Thetrauma?’
‘Trauma. It’s the same word.’
‘So yes, the trauma of seeing her like that. The trauma, it is given like the bad gift, from the mother to the son. You understand?’
‘Yes, from generation to generation.’
‘Exactly this. And then, me, too.’ Manon sighs deeply and glances out of the window before continuing. ‘I start drinking. I don’t think I am ever telling you this. When I am maybe fifteen I drink too? Because I feel so… guilty? But I can stop. I see my brother. And I think of Maman. And so, I stop.’
‘You felt guilty?’ Wendy says. ‘How couldyoufeel guilty?’
‘Because I think… I think…’ Manon says. Tears have started to slip down her cheeks. Wendy moves closer so that she can take Manon’s hand in hers.
‘I just… I know this is not true,’ Manon says. ‘But I think if we come home more early then she’s OK. Just five, maybe ten minutes… I miss her so much.’ The emotion suddenly too much for her, she wrenches her hand from Wendy’s grasp and dashes into the bathroom.
‘It’s not your fault, you know?’ Wendy says, when eventually Manon returns. ‘You know, none of this is your fault.’
‘No,’ Manon says, still standing, visibly angling to leave. ‘I know. I see a… you know a doctor? For the…?’ She points at her head to make her meaning clear.
‘A shrink?’ Wendy suggests. ‘A counsellor?’
‘Yes, this. So I talk about it. But Bruno, my brother, he does not. He will not talk about this. He cannot talk about it. So…’
‘So you think that’s why he drinks?’
‘Yes,’ Manon says. ‘Yes, I think this is why. Or maybe it isgénétique, too.’
‘I’m so sorry that happened to you.’
‘It’s OK,’ Manon says, then, ‘Well, is not OK. But we live with this. Because we must.’
‘Well, thank you for telling me.’
‘We are friends…’
‘Do you think… just… tell me to stop if this is too much. But do you think there’s a reason your mother started drinking in the first place?’
Manon nods sharply. ‘Yes. It is her father.’
‘Her father?’
‘He is not a good person.’
‘A drinker, too?’
