Page 121 of Where Do We Go From Here?
W: Oh, OK. Sure. So it was, um, cancer – of course. It’s always cancer, isn’t it? And she was in pain. A lot of pain. And they were useless – in the hospice, that is. They wouldn’t give her enough morphine. I had to fight for it every time. It was like it was on bloody ration or something, which, as a nurse… Anyway… And then, at the end, while I was off hunting for a doctor to see to her – because he wouldn’t come, you see, and they wouldn’t give her more morphine without his say-so – and then she died. And I wasn’t there. I missed it.
K: Please. Take a tissue.
W: Yes, you see? I can’t even talk about it without…
K: That’s fairly normal, I’d say. Take a breath. That’s right. You know, it’s good, actually, that you can cry. You need to let that out. So even though you don’t want to talk about it, it’s probably good if you do. Even when it does make you cry. Because each time you do it will get a little less painful.
W: OK. Well, job done, eh?
K: Were you on your own dealing with all of this?
W: Well, there were nurses and doctors, but as I say, they were all pretty useless.
K: Yes, but what about family? Are you in a relationship?
W: Yes. I’m married.
K: And was your partner present through this? Did your partner support you?
W: No. Not really. I mean, he’d hug me when I got home. And make me dinner, and what-have-you. He was sweet. And supportive.
K: But he wasn’t with you at the hospital?
W: No.
K: Why was that, do you think?
W: I don’t know. It just didn’t seem like his place, really. I mean, she’s not – she wasn’t – his mother.
K: I see.
W: And Mum wouldn’t have wanted him there, anyway. She was quite a private person. And it was a very intimate moment, you know?
K: Yes, dying is perhaps the most intimate moment of all.
W: And my brother was totally absent, too. I really fucking hate him for that. Sorry.
K: Please don’t apologise. Whatever language comes to you here is fine. The important thing is to express yourself. So your brother, he didn’t support you as you would have wanted?
W: No.
K: Did he support you at all?
W: No. Nada.
K: Why was that, do you think?
W: I don’t know. Maybe because he’s a…
K: As I said, you can swear if you want to. I won’t be shocked.
W: No, I don’t think I want to, really. Anyway, you know the word I was thinking of.
K: I think you should say the word so there’s no doubt.
W: OK, then. He was a cunt.
K: Do you think there’s a reason why he behaved like a cunt?
