Page 12 of Where Do We Go From Here?
‘My energy? If you mean that I’ve been tired…’
‘No, I mean your – you know –spiritualenergy.’
‘My spiritual energy?’
‘Yes. Or your emotional energy, if you prefer.’
‘Well, I’m sorry if I’ve been a bit too yin for you,’ I said, forcing a laugh. ‘Or maybe I’ve been too yang?’
‘Ha,’ Fiona said. ‘Funny.’ Then, ‘Come on. Let’s keep walking. It’ll be dark soon.’
We walked in silence for a bit and then she said, ‘And now I suppose you’re sulking. You see, this is why no one dares say anything to you. Everyone’s too scared.’
‘I am not sulking!’ I was starting to feel quite angry, actually. Or tearful. I sensed it could go either way. ‘I don’t know what you’re trying to say.’
‘You don’t? Really?’
‘No. I’ve been very stressed, if that’s what you mean. My job is incredibly stressful.’
‘Everyone’s stressed, Mum,’ Fiona said dismissively. ‘There’s a worldwide pandemic on. But we’re not all?—’
‘I’ll tell you what we’re not all doing,’ I interrupted. ‘We’re not all spending our days watching patients die of that worldwide pandemic, are we?’
‘No,’ Fiona said. ‘No I s’pose not.’
‘It’s hard, sweetie. My job is really hard right now. Do you understand that?’
‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Cos you’re always telling us how hard it is.’
‘And I know it’s hard for you, too,’ I added, attempting to calm things down. ‘Really, I do. But I do think you could try to get where I’m coming from. I think you’re being a bit unfair. And a bit hurtful.’
‘Of course you do,’ Fiona said sourly. ‘That’s kind of my point.’ Then, ‘Sorry, Mum, but I need to get home. See you soon.’
‘Sweetie!’ I called after her. ‘Fiona! Come back and talk to…’ But she’d already turned off down another path to our left and, blowing a kiss over her shoulder, she strode away.
I was so stunned that I sat on a bench until the cold made me start to shiver.
Harry phoned me two hours later. I’d barely managed to get warm.
‘How are you?’ he asked.
‘Me? I’m fine,’ I replied flatly. The truth was that I was bloody upset and had even had a little cry because my daughter hated me, I’d been banished from my own home and had to return to my impossibly exhausting job the next day… All that, plus the state of the world in general.
Having downed two medium glasses of South African Chardonnay, I was also a tad tipsy which seemed just as well considering the circumstances.
‘Fiona came home in a right state,’ Harry said. ‘I was wondering what you said to her.’
‘WhatIsaid toher?’
‘OK, what you both said, then. What you said to each other. She’s locked herself in her room.’
‘Lucky you,’ I said. ‘I’d make the most of that if I were you.’
‘So come on,’ Harry said. ‘What happened?’
‘She basically said things are better at home without me,’ Itold him, aware, as I said it, that I was paraphrasing to my advantage.
‘Did she?’ Harry asked. ‘Did she really? Because I can’t imagine our Fiona saying that.’
