Page 67 of Where Do We Go From Here?

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Wendy: Hello?

Harry: Hey there, French eco-warrior girl. How goes?

W: I’m fine thanks. Actually, that’s not true. I don’t know why I even said that. I’m ill. I’ve caught a cold, but I’m OK. I’ll survive. Probably.

H: Oh, poor you! Everyone’s coming down with it here, as well. ’Tis the season to be fluey and all that. How ill are you? Do you need me to organise an airlift?

W: Nah, it’s just, you know: tired, fever, headache… I’ll be fine in a few days, I expect. I’ve been having weird dreams, too.

H: What kind of weird dreams?

W: Oh, you know… Just dreams. That are weird.

H: Right. So, um, you all ready for Christmas? I’m just about to head out for another load.

W: …

H: Hello?

W: I’m ready for nothing at all, Harry. I’m ill in bed with the flu.

H: Sure. I just mean, are you, like, staying over there thisyear?

W: Why, are you inviting me this year?

H: No, I…

W: Then what else would I be doing, Haz? Of course I’m bloody staying here.

H: Right. Sorry. Of course.

W: Is there an actual reason you’re calling me? I mean, other than to make me feel bad about being on my own for Christmas?

H: Do I need a reason to call my wife?

W: No. But it has to be said, you usually do have one.

H: Actually, there is something I need to talk to you about.

W: You see? I knew there would be.

H: And, as it happens, it’s about Christmas.

W: OK…

H: Specifically about Fifi’s Christmas present.

W: Christ, Harry… Really?

H: Jesus! What have I done now?

W: Don’t you think that’s a bit…?

H: A bit what?

W: A bit insensitive? Asking about Christmas presents… When you banished me last Christmas, and when this year you know I’m?—

H: Nobody banished you, Wens.

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