Page 49 of Christmas on Ice
“I went to school with him and Kami. She’s up there with his parents. Said a tall guy named Trask might be along. You look like a Trask. Got an ID?”
I took out my wallet and showed it to her. “Can you tell me where to find her?”
“ICU waiting room. That’s as far as you can go.”
“Thanks.”
I took the elevator up and followed the signs. Kami was sitting in a recliner in the back corner. Her eyes were closed as she leaned against the wall next to her chair. I sat down next to her, not wanting to wake her up.
“I’m not sleeping. I’m just resting my eyes,” she mumbled. I took a closer look. She looked exhausted. My heart ached for her.
“It’s okay. I can just sit here with you while you rest.”
“Trask?” She opened her eyes but didn’t move.
“Yeah?” I wanted to pull her to me or at least hold her hand and tell her everything was going to be all right.
“I meant to text you. I guess I fell asleep.”
“It’s okay. I’m here now.” And I’d stay for as long as she wanted me to.
“But you don’t need to be. This isn’t your problem. And it’s Christmas Eve. I’m sure you want to spend time with your family.”
“Kami, I—” How could I explain to her that she was all that mattered to me right now?
“You should go.” She sat up straight and gripped the wooden arms of the chair.
I stiffened. “Why? Do you want to be alone?”
She pressed her lips together and her fingertips to her temples. “I think I need to be. It’s just—this is all … this is all too much for me right now. He still has me as his medical power of attorney. There’s so much paperwork. I can’t think.”
“You don’t have to think.” I reached for her hand, but she stood up and began pacing.
“Yes, I do! What if he dies? Then what? What happens to me and Ryleigh? What if I have to make a decision that ends his life? I can’t even imagine how she’ll feel and how messed up she’ll be if her dad dies, and I’m the one who has to decide it!” She stopped mid-stride and covered her face with her hands, choking back sobs. “Can you imagine if your daddy died and it was your mama who pulled the plug? My whole world would have been crushed if I lost my daddy at her age, and if I knew my mama—I don’t know what to do if I have to make that decision—and if he—if he dies—and money is already tight—I feel awful thinking this, but what if I have to leave my doctorate program? How will I support Ryleigh?” She glared at the floor. “That stupid, stupid, selfish man!”
I flew to my feet and took her in my arms. “I want to help. Let me help, Kami.”
She pushed at my chest and stepped back. “No. Thank you, but—no. You can’t help us. There isn’t anything for you to do. I…” We jumped at the voices outside the door, and she sprang away from me as an older couple entered the room. “Please, Trask.” She lowered her voice. “Go home to your family and let me deal with mine. I’ll call you when I get it all sorted.”
I read between the lines, and the finality of her instruction crushed me like the weight of a pile of opposing players.
26
Kami
Iwatched Trask walk down the hall, shoulders slumped and hands in his pockets. It felt awful sending him away, but I just didn’t know what to do with him. I certainly couldn’t lean on him with Sutton’s parents in the room. I didn’t want to cause them any further distress. His mother still held out hope for us. There wasn’t any, but it felt like I’d be rubbing salt in her wound if I leaned on Trask, especially if I had to—
No. I wasn’t going to think about Sutton not making it.
I could be strong by myself. And I had Ryleigh to think about, first and foremost.
But I couldn’t imagine what his parents were going through. The possibility of losing a child—their only child—I couldn’t even. If it had been Ryleigh … Oh my God, if Ryleigh had been with him! I almost retched at the thought.
What had he been thinking? He’d been mad, sure, but he hadn’t been reckless since high school, and even then nothing truly serious that could land him in jail or risk his future military career. I’d thought the Air Force had put an end to his posturing and devil-may-care attitude. Unless it’d just been camouflaged this whole time.
I had loved him once, and thought he was a good man. He loved Ryleigh, even though he often seemed to get his priorities out of order. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to him.
I thought I’d worked past my pain and disappointment. Now, with him possibly dying, I realized I still had a long way to go to make sense of how the boy I fell so desperately in love with could grow into a man who made me feel like garbage. Seeing him lying helpless in the ICU, all banged up … he looked so young. I wondered when his mental state had shifted and why.
