Page 47 of Sew Matcha in Love
“Shanna said that he’s ready for all that now. What if I’m like my mom? What if I don’t want to be a mother or I discover after I have children that I just like taking care of little kids because I can give them back? What if I get so overwhelmed with motherhood like she did? What if I crave quiet and my own space and I can’t handle the pressures of family? And a doctor’s wife? Social engagements I’d have to host and charity events to attend and living life through the public lens? I would be terrible at all that.”
My breath caught, because I knew exactly what she was talking about. If we dated—she and I—her life wouldn’t be completely hers anymore. She would be followed online, and pictures and videos of her and the girls would become viral social media reels. Her business would blow up, and people would want to be friends with her to get to me and the team. She probably already got a taste of that, being close with Penny and Tasha.
I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and placed my hands on her shoulders. “Arwyn.” I used her full name so she knew I was serious. “I was terrified of becoming a dad. But the moment I held my girls, I was in love and knew without a doubt that despite my fears and shortcomings, I would jump through fire to keep them safe. I grew into the role and learned to be the best dad I could be because I wanted to be. You seem like you put in more than a hundred percent to things you care about. And if you wanted to be a mom, I’d bet my millions you’d give all the other moms a run for their money.”
“How can you be sure?” she whispered.
“Because I see you with my girls. You put your discomfort aside to volunteer at the book fair. You read to them every night. I can’t speak for your mother, but something tells me she wasn’t a fan of little kids either, was she?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Then I think you’re overthinking again.” I gave her shoulders a light squeeze and pulled her into a hug.
“So you think I should go to dinner with him?”
I shook my head. “Can you picture a future with him? Living in your house? Raising kids, however many he said he wanted? Can you picture that, and do you like what you see?”
Her chin fell to her chest, and she turned away from me, crossing her arms and looking down at the creek bed.
“I can’t. But I also don’t want to let life pass me by. I don’t see myself as a spinster. But I don’t leave the house often, and I can’t picture anyone else in my home, especially now that you and the girls are there. The loneliness is going to hit real hard when you leave.”
I stepped beside her, keeping my hands in my coat pocket to prevent me from physically reaching out to comfort her again. I wanted to pull her to me, but I sensed that she needed the space. And I didn’t want to offer her anything I couldn’t give.
But something Icouldgive her—a shot at confidence. And not just to sing adorably off-key toFrozensongs in the van.
“Hey. Would you want to attend the Biddington gala with me? I mean, if you’re not already going?” I asked. Xavier had reserved double the number of seats this year and was still trying to fill them. I’d bought a pair of tickets but hadn’t planned on attending.
“I—um.” She peered up at me. “The Valentine gala?”
“Yeeeeess,” I dragged out my reply. “You mentioned charity events. This could be a good opportunity to see if you hate them as much as you think you do.”
“So you need a date?”
I clutched my chest. “You wound me.” I grinned, but her expression remained neutral. “I don’tneeda date. I have no desire to find a date. In fact, I was going to give the tickets away or just skip it.”
“What about the girls?”
“Their old babysitter in Denver is probably available. If you don’t mind her spending the night here.”
“I don’t mind.” Her eyes narrowed. “And this is purely for experimental research purposes?”
“Entirely,” I confirmed. “If you hate it, we’ll leave. And I was thinking we could take the girls to the cabin on Sunday.”
“Hmm.” She looked back out over the creek. “Iwouldlike to see Penny strum her harp in her new gown.”
My heart rate kicked up. “So it’s a yes?” I could hear the excitement and desperation in my question.
Tone it down, Marshy.
She turned back to me and smiled. “It’s a yes. Thank you for asking me.”
I held out my arm. “You’re welcome. I promise to be the very best research help you’ve ever had, Wynna-bun.”
She laughed. “Good.”
Pretty sure I grinned like a clown the rest of the way home.
CHAPTER 15
