Page 15 of The Apprentice
I read the clear message twisted into the words. I’d been around his sharp tongue too long not to know what he was saying, and now that he’d turned his vitriol on me, it got to the root of the problem: my use of Fionn’s body combined with my unwillingness to go further than a physical relationship.
It’d all started at his eighteenth birthday party, where I’d been enticed by a confidence that he had never exhibited. In a moment of weakness, I’d let my need to dominate Fionn take control.
Fuck!
We’d spent years not talking about taking it further, but I knew how badly he craved something else. He wanted to be public andmore. I couldn’t, though. Fionn wasEoin’s son. That should’ve been reason enough for me to stay away completely.
Sloan, in what he deemed his infinite wisdom, continued to pair us up on assignments, and I didn’t have the balls to tell Sloan the truth—that Fionn and I weren’t anything but physical.
Sloan and I were best friends, but when was the last time we’d really spoken the truth to each other about our personallives? Too long. I’d begun pulling away when I’d fucked Fionn the first time, but Sloan had distanced himself before that. All I was useful for was to give Sloan some good advice every now and then.
Fionn’s jealousy over the Ducati was adorable, though.
Fionn snapped his fingers in front of my face, dragging me back to reality. I’d been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn’t realized one of Sloan’s men had parked a beautiful black BMW in front of us. The driver slid out of the front seat and opened the back door for us, but I shook my head.
“I’ll be driving from here,” I said simply, and the driver merely bowed slightly before closing the door and disappearing up the front steps and through the entrance.
Fionn stared. “Why are you driving?”
I winked. “Because we’re finding a rat, and we don’t want any gossip about where you and I have been getting back to that person through regular conversation, do we?”
He shrugged and went straight for the front passenger side while I took the driver’s seat. When we had our seat belts on, I pressed down on the accelerator, taking us out of the round driveway. Once we hit the streets, I settled back into my seat and considered safe topics of conversation with Fionn. The more we worked together, the thicker the tension became until it felt hard to breathe. After each round of sex, his disdain grew, and I could see it happening. There was nothing reasonable I could do to make him understand without telling him the truth. I should confess everything, but I also couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Because that would be the end. And I wasn’t ready to lose him.
“Mastic Beach is no Southampton,” I said.
“I know. You can get cheap pieces of shit there, but I was right about him being paid off, wasn’t I?” He shrugged.
“Yeah, you were.” I stayed silent for a moment. “How was Sloan this morning?”
Fionn snorted and stared out the window, his elbow pressed against the glass. “Irritated as usual. Nothing I do ever makes him happy.” He paused and glanced at me from the corner of his eye. “But I shouldn’t be telling you that. I need to act like the boss, right? No emotions.”
I sighed. “Sloan has a lot on his plate right now. A few years ago, not many people would have challenged him or his territory, but it seems like there are a lot more players in the game now who want to prove they can take down the big dog.”
“Right, but this will be my business eventually,” he said, turning his attention back to the side window. “I should be next to him every step of the way, but instead he sticks me with you, a man who can’t stand me except when he wants to fuck.”
“Who said I can’t stand you?” I gripped the steering wheel tightly, twisting my fists on the smooth leather. Frustration had me taking deep breaths to keep my temper in check. I’d learned ways over the years to keep my control.
He laughed abruptly. “Don’t worry about it.”
“No. Tell me who said I can’t stand you,” I snapped.
“I did.” He shot an expression of pure toxicity at me and slapped a hand against his chest hard enough to make me cringe. “You hate being around me unless you want a hole. Let’s be honest. You don’t want to acknowledge us. You barely look at me unless you want to fuck me. Am I that ugly that I fucking disgust you that much?” This time when he laughed, it sounded painful, like a wounded animal caught in a trap. “Sloan—” His laughter went higher. “—thinks we’re fucking. I can see it in his eyes, how he looks at us when we’re together. He doesn’t care. Why don’t you want me for more?”
“Fuck, Fionn.”
And just like that, the world crashed in on me.
We’d gone years without speaking about it, pretending we both wanted the same thing, and thenboom. It had all changed. By the volume of the outburst, I imagined it’d been on Fionn’s mind for too long. He’d finally broken and spouted the words that had lingered on the tip of his tongue, the same ones he’d pushed back time and time again.
I didn’t know what to say or how to explain it to him without hurting his feelings.
I’d hoped to avoid this conversation forever, and that was my first mistake.
“Fuck, Fionn,” I repeated.
“What?” The hurt echoed in his gaze and his jaw tightened. “You have nothing to say for yourself? Nothing at all?”
