Page 80 of Angels and Skulls
“How did you manage after?” he eventually asks.
“He talked to all the surrounding neighbors.” I laugh lightly because I still can’t believe how much that man did for me. “He convinced them to help me. They still leave things for me at the gate. We trade.” I shrug my shoulders. “Bill didn’t make me meet any of them but one. He insisted I have one contact with the outside world other than him. He’s an older man. His name is John. Once a week I walk down to the gate to meet him. He and his wife have a small dairy a few miles away. Ah, their milk is to die for.”
Raffe listens quietly.
“He brings me whatever I need that I haven’t already received from the others.” I pick up a stick and begin to draw in the dirt mindlessly. “I do a lot of baking, canning, and sewing. That’s mostly what I trade with the neighbors. My jam is very popular around these parts.” I stop and laugh sadly.
He reaches out and takes my hand in his.
“Oh, and I make teas and beauty products.” I pause, thinking about it. “And candles.”
Raffe laughs. “You’re exactly how I’ve remembered you.”
I smile, blinking rapidly. When I turn away from him, his fingers curl around my chin and he holds me still.
“What is it that you’re feeling?” he asks.
“I’m feeling sorry,” I say.
“For?” he prompts, not letting me go.
“For letting you believe I died. I didn’t know how bad that would hurt you until I lost Bill, but by then so much time had passed.”
His gaze bounces over my face. “Losing you was the worst pain I’d ever felt, and that says a lot after what I’ve been through.”
I let out a sob because I don’t want to think about what they did to him.
“Your screams haunt my dreams,” he says, gripping my face in both of his hands. “Every single night, I weep for our innocence.”
His words break me, but he won’t let me go. He dips his head, forcing me to look at him. “Look at us. We beat them, Jenny. They didn’t fucking win. We did. They thought we were just two naïve kids, but we’re fucking here and they’re dead. They’re all dead.”
Not all of them.
“I never stopped looking for you,” he says, dropping his forehead to mine.
“I know. I’m so sorry,” I say. “I wasn’t strong like you.”
He shakes me. “Don’t say that. You brought Jackson into the world. I saw that kid’s head.”
His attempt to joke at this moment makes me laugh and cry simultaneously. “You know what I mean.”
His thumbs brush my tears away, and he looks me in the eye. “You’re still here. That is strong.”
“Here. I’m here, Raffe. I can’t go anywhere else.”
“That’s not true. I saw you at the cemetery.”
Panic begins to build low in my gut, because I know he’s going to try to get me to leave this place with him. I know I promised Jackson I’d work on it, and I will, but Raffe won’t be so patient.
“You remember the carefree Jenny. The Jenny who would go anywhere without thinking it through. But that’s exactly what got us in trouble.”
His brows pull together, and I think he’s just now realizing why I wouldn’t let Rachel tell him where I was. I’m not the same girl.
“Jenny, I know you’ve left this place more than one time. You left an amethyst on Rachel’s grave, didn’t you?”
“Going to the cemetery is different.”
“I’m going to help you.” He stands, holding his hand out for me to take. His jaw clenches tight in determination.
