Page 84 of Accidental Groom
“Why would he feel guilty?”
“He had to go away for work and missed the scan yesterday,” I say. “I wasn’t exactly happy with him. I’m still annoyed, if I’m being honest. And he offered it right after he got home and realized I was upset.”
“Elena.”
“I’m not saying I don’t appreciate it,” I add. “I just… don’t know where we stand. Half the time we act like a married couple,and half the time I canfeelthe circumstances around us and remember that we haven’t actually clarified anything.”
“Elena.”
“I haven’t told him how I feel. And we didn’t get together because of love, you know? I practically begged him for it. Then the baby, and the shit with George?—”
“Is that really how you see the whole thing?”
I sigh. “No. And I know he… he said he was falling for me, but then days like yesterday happen, and it makes me question if I know how he sees it at all.”
Sarah exhales audibly. “Then ask him. For once in your life, just ask instead of assuming. Force him to talk about it. You’re not seventeen anymore and he’s not a boarding school crush. You’re a grown-ass woman having his baby. You guyshaveto talk.”
“I know.”
“You’ll just keep spiraling otherwise.”
“I know, I know, I know,” I repeat, leaning forward again and resting my elbow on the desk. I bury my face in my free hand, groaning from the stress of justimagininghaving this conversation with Harry. “But then there’s the whole other thing I need to talk to him about and that just makes a pile of shit that we have to sit down and discuss, and that feels overwhelming.”
“What other thing?”
I hesitate. “Do you remember hearing anything about his wife? When she passed?”
She’s quiet for a moment. “Geraldine?”
“Yeah.”
“I mean, I remember there being rumors a long time ago,” she says, her tone dropping, sounding almost uncomfortable. “That she overdosed. That he drugged her. That she was going to leave him, or that she was cheating, or thathewas. People love a tragedy with rich people at the center, you know how it is.”
“I know,” I murmur. “But people keep… bringing it up.”
“Do you believe the rumors?”
“I…” The words get stuck in my throat, and I push my palm against my forehead, trying to force the words out. Instead, I end up dancing around it. “I don’twantto.”
“But you think there might be something to it?”
“I’m just scared that maybe I don’t know him as well as I thought.”
She sighs, long and loudly, almost like she’s exasperated. “You realize this is another reason for the two of you to actually talk abouteverything.”
“I know. That’s why I don’t feel like I can. ‘Causethisneeds to be added, and I can’t exactly say,‘Hey, we need to talk about your dead wife.’”
“You can try.”
“No. Not when I still need to tell him about Ross.”
“He doesn’t know about Ross?!”
“Can we just talk about you instead?” I ask, lifting my head enough to stare back out the window. The rain seems to be calming, slowing to a drizzle, but I’ve no idea if it’s going to pour again. “How are you? I miss you.”
“Elena.”
“I really, really don’t want to talk about it.”
