Page 112 of Accidental Groom
“I knew there was a high likelihood she’d go out on her own terms,” I breathe. “And if I’m honest, I think a part of me knew the night it happened, before she’d even come to me. I had this feeling in my gut like I wasn’t going to see her again. But she came in while I was in my office, saidgoodbyeso casually that it didn’t click right away that it wasn’tgoodnight.”
He tenses. “You didn’t stop her?”
“I froze,” I exhale. “I sat there.”
“Why?”
Elena’s grip tightens, harder this time.
“Because I was a coward. Because I wanted to respect what little autonomy she had left. Because I couldn’t bear the thoughtof dragging her screaming into months of agony she didn’t want. Take your pick.”
His eyes drop to the floor, and for a moment, the room is silent. Even Elena doesn’t move, her body tense behind mine.
“Do you think I don’t wish I’d done it differently?” I say, the words coming out wrong again, fighting when I’m not trying to, defensive before I need to be. “Do you think I haven’t replayed that night in my head more times than I can count, especially when you fire shots at me that paint me as a murderer?”
His breath stutters. “Can you blame me for thinking that of you when you imagine what I was seeing?” he fires back. “All I saw was Mom hiding from me, from theworld, and my father getting angrier and angrier anytime I tried to bring it up, and then she wasdeadand you were acting like you’d expected it all along?—”
“I apologize for that,” I say carefully. “I was… I was struggling with it all. I should never have taken that out on you.”
His knee bounces as he leads forward, his gaze somewhere off in the middle distance. “You know, the handful of times I let myself believe the suicide story, I assumed it was because of me. She didn’t want to see me.”
That lands with the weight of a fucking boulder on my chest. “No,” I say, my voice cracking. “God, no, it was never because of you. She loved you. She adored you, more than you could ever fully understand. She was just terrified of you seeing her that sick. That was the only reason. You were just finishing up high school, your exams were coming up?—”
“That’s not a good excuse.”
“I know that. I do. But it was what she wanted, and I didn’t want to take that from her at the end,” I explain. “I thought back then that maybe she was right, thought we were protecting you, and then she was gone, and you were grieving, and I didn’t want to make things worse.”
“That didn’t protect me,” he snaps.
“I know. I know that now. I know I failed,” I sigh. “I was just trying to do right by her and respect her wishes. I should’ve, at the very least, told you after she’d passed.”
He drags a hand down his face and leans back in the chair, processing, as silence falls around us. But then his gaze flicks to Elena. “He told you all this?”
“Yeah,” she murmurs. “A few weeks ago.”
“Fitting that she finds out before me.”
“George,” I hiss.
“Sorry,” he mutters. He looks back up at her, his eyes locking over my shoulder. “Surprised you stayed. Don’t know if I would’ve.”
I bristle, but she isn’t phased. “You weren’t there.”
He lets out a long, slow breath, then pushes to his feet. “Right,” he says, as if that’s that and everything’s done. “I’m not staying. I… I needed to hear it, and I’m glad that I did, but I don’t want to be here right now.”
I purse my lips, not making a move. It’s clear he doesn’t want me to. “I understand.”
Slowly, he meets my gaze, holding it for a second before flicking back to Elena. “If it’s worth anything, I’m sorry for the things I said to you,” he says, shoving his hands back in his pockets. “I don’t expect you to forgive me or forget. But maybe, I don’t know, someday, things won’t be so fucked between us. And I can come meet her.” He nods, once, towards Elena’s stomach.
I glance up at her, watching as her pursed lips soften into a half smile. “Okay.”
His gaze flicks back to me. “I’ll see you later.”
I don’t bother to stop him. He’s halfway down the hall when Elena’s arms wrap fully around my neck from behind, her head dipping down to mine, her lips pressing once against my cheek.I stare at the photograph on the table like it might shift, like Geraldine might wink at me or move or tell me I?—
“You did the right thing,” Elena murmurs. “Talking to him, I mean.”
“No,” I sigh. “Doing the right thing would’ve been telling him a long time ago instead of letting it build into this.”
