Page 19 of For Love or Money
‘You want to go on a mini-break with me? This is all so sudden.’
‘We wouldn’t really have to go anywhere. We could just drive around and check in somewhere fabulous.’
‘That sounds like going somewhere to me.’
‘I don’t mean actually check in to a hotel – just check in at a location on Facebook, so my family would see what a great time we’re having and how much better you are than my last boyfriend.’
‘Were you together long?’
‘Just over a year.’ Lesley knew it didn’t sound like much when she said it out loud, but it was the longest relationship she’d ever had.
‘Why did you break up?’
‘He moved.’
‘Oh, that’s tough. You didn’t want to try the long-distance thing?’
‘Iwould have. But he wasn’t willing to make the effort. So that was that.’
‘Where did he move to?’
‘The north side.’
Al raised his eyebrows. ‘The north side of ...?’
‘Dublin. Portmarnock, to be precise. It’s nearer his work.’
‘But that’s only about a half hour drive.’
‘Twenty minutes if there’s not much traffic. But he doesn’t have a car, in fairness.’
‘Still, there’s public transport. Surely if he really cared about you—’
‘Yeah, well,’ Lesley mumbled, ‘it turned out he didn’t. He was only going out with me because I was on his bus route and it was handy for him.’
‘Well, I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you you dodged a bullet there.’
‘He was nice in some ways, though,’ Lesley said, smiling wistfully. Rob had been as enthusiastic and energetic in bed as he was on the rugby pitch, and had always applied himself to getting her off with the same bullish determination with which he approached scoring a try.
‘If you’re thinking about sex—’ Al began.
‘How did you know I was thinking about sex?’ Lesley asked, caught off guard.
‘You had this goofy look on your face. It doesn’t suit you.’
‘I still miss him in some ways, that’s all.’
‘Well, don’t miss him for sex, for God’s sake. Anyone can do that – dogs, Neanderthals. It’s not rocket science.’
‘No, but some people are better at it than others. I mean, I’d like to be with someone who had a little more finesse than a dog.’
‘Well, you could train them up. Sex is the easy part. It’s the other things you want to look out for, you know – kindness, good sense of humour, decent cook, that kind of thing. Someone who’s prepared to go that extra mile on the bus for you.’
‘Very funny.’ Lesley took a long gulp of coffee to hide her annoyance. ‘Okay, before we go any further, we have to lay out some terms and conditions for my role as your girlfriend. I will accompany you to family dos and make googly eyes at you. I’ll laugh at your jokes, even when they’re not funny, and generally hang on your every word and give all appearances of finding you adorable. You will do the same, of course, for me.’
‘Agreed. My jokes will be funny, though.’
‘As for PDAs, here are the rules,’ she said firmly. ‘Kissing is fine, but no tongues. No boob action, no touching under the clothes, no nudity. Anything below the waist is definitely out. No—’
