Page 136 of For Love or Money
‘Wow, you’ve had quite the week!’ she said when she’d finished. ‘So you went to Galway with Rafe? And you stayed overnight?’
‘Yeah. He was really kind actually.’
Lesley studied her face closely. ‘Did something happen between the two of you?’
‘No, nothing like that.’ Stella met her eyes frankly. ‘But it could have. It almost did.’
‘Oh God, you’ve fallen for him, haven’t you?’
Stella shrugged. ‘Maybe I have. But it doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t work out anyway.’
‘I suppose it would be a bit awkward after you were with his dad. Even though you never shagged Peter.’
Stella smiled. ‘It’s not that.’
‘What, then?’ Lesley knew she shouldn’t be pushing it, and she hated seeing Stella upset, but her natural curiosity got the better of her.
‘I can’t explain. There are things you don’t know about me, Lesley.’
Lesley wondered if that was true. Did Stella have even more secrets yet to be unearthed? ‘Well, I’m glad you’re sticking around anyway.’ She’d miss Stella if she was gone. ‘Even though we won’t have the Bradshaw connection, I hope we can still be friends.’
‘Me too.’
‘And I’m not cancelling your hen night. Just because you’re not getting married doesn’t mean we can’t have a banging night out.’
* * *
Newsof the cancelled wedding had travelled fast. Stella was glad for once that her share of the guest list was so sparse, so Peter bore the brunt of the fallout, and, since they’d started breaking the news yesterday, his phone rang constantly day and night with people offering their sympathy and eager for gossip.
He had decamped to Jane’s apartment while Stella packed up and got ready to leave. He’d told her there was no rush and she could stay as long as she liked. It was a big house, he said, and besides, she was one of the family now ‘like it or lump it’. But it didn’t feel right, especially when it left her and Rafe here together. She’d started packing and would move out at the end of the week. She’d rented a short-term apartment in the city centre until she sorted out something more permanent.
She took her clothes from the drawers and folded them neatly before placing them carefully in the suitcase that lay open on the bed. Opening the wardrobe, she pulled out the black suit she’d worn to her father’s funeral and held it against her, looking at her reflection in the mirror as she stroked the material. It was a beautiful piece, but she didn’t think she could ever face wearing it again. She pulled it off the hanger and folded it before placing it in the pile that was earmarked for a charity shop.
‘You’re going, then?’
She looked up to see Rafe standing in the doorway.
‘Yes.’ She gave a little shrug. ‘The wedding’s off. What is there to stay for?’
‘There’s nothing else here you want?’ His eyes were unblinking as he looked at her, his body so rigid he was almost trembling, his hands clenched tight by his sides.
‘I don’t want your money,’ she said quietly. ‘I never did.’
‘I’m not talking about money.’
She knew he wasn’t. She knew what he was asking, and she so wanted to say yes. Yes was the answer. ‘No,’ she said. ‘There’s nothing else here I want.’
He nodded, jerking his head away quickly, but not before she saw the hurt etched on his face. He dropped his head and sniffed heavily, a nasal sound that twisted her heart. ‘I wish you’d stay,’ he said so quietly she had to strain to hear him. He sounded crushed, heartbroken, and she longed to throw her arms around him and tell him the truth – that she wanted him just as much as he wanted her. But she’d have to tell him the whole truth – all of it – and she was too much of a coward, because what if he didn’t want her anymore once he knew? She couldn’t bear it if he were to look at her the way Steve had.
She’d told Peter, of course, but the stakes hadn’t felt so high. She hadn’t been in love with him. He said it didn’t make any difference to him, but she could never be sure. Maybe ithadput him off, even if only subconsciously. She couldn’t help wondering if it was partly the reason they’d never had sex.
‘I wish I could,’ she said. ‘But you don’t really know me, Rafe. If you did, you probably wouldn’t want me to stay anyway. I’m sorry.’ It was better this way, she told herself, as tears tore at her throat.
‘Well, I’m going to go down to Clare for a couple of days,’ Rafe said hoarsely. ‘Will you still be here when I get back?’
Did he want her to be? ‘Probably not. I’m moving on Friday.’
For a long moment they just stood gazing at each other. Then Rafe turned and walked quickly away without looking back. A few minutes later, she heard the front door slam, and he was gone.
