Page 142 of For Love or Money
‘Well, it’s not a word I’d use—’
‘Christ!’ Al murmured under his breath.
‘But when you’ve been around the block a few times, you get wise to what it really means. Translation: fat. You might as well call a whale a curvaceous fish.’ He looked at her expectantly, and somehow she realised she was expected to laugh. He was giving her a taster of his comedy stylings.
‘Oh, ha ha,’ she said. ‘Very good.’
‘Bloody rude, if you ask me,’ Al muttered.
‘She—’ Darren nodded to a girl at the far end of the table ‘—probably calls herselfathletic. Wouldn’t knock herself out running for the bus, in other words.’ He chuckled, cracking up at his own wit.
‘Right.’ Lesley nodded. ‘Flat-chested – I get it.’ Oh, God, she shouldn’t have encouraged him. It was going to be a very long night. But she was aware of Al’s eyes on her the whole time, so she tried to look like she was enjoying herself.
Al was being very rude to the women on either side of him, she thought, ignoring them to stare across the table at her and Darren, and barge into their conversation. Okay, so he was just here as filler and he wasn’t really looking to meet someone. Buttheydidn’t know that. He didn’t have to make it so obvious that he wasn’t interested. He could at least be polite. The two women had clearly given up on him, and were now talking to each other across him. At least they seemed to have hit it off and they were chatting away nineteen to the dozen. In fact, they seemed the most successful pairing at the table so far.
‘I wish all my audiences were as quick on the uptake as you, Lesley,’ Darren said, on a roll now. ‘Now, what do you think it really means if a woman says she appreciates the finer things in life?’
‘Um ... I suppose that she likes good food and wine? Staying at nice hotels maybe ...’
‘Er-Er.’ Darren made a buzzer sound to indicate it was the wrong answer. ‘It means she’s looking for a sugar daddy.’
‘Oh. I see.’ Oh God, when would it be dessert so he could switch seats and annoy someone else.
‘A man with acurvaceouswallet,’ Darren continued, grinning at her delightedly.
‘Offensive,’ Al mumbled.
‘You shut up!’ Lesley hissed across the table at him. ‘You’re being very rude.’
‘Youarebeing quite rude, Al,’ Helen said to him.
‘Sorry,’ he said to her.
Al began talking to the woman on his right, and Lesley did her best to ignore him for the rest of the meal. But she realised that was going to be impossible when everyone changed places for dessert. The relief of getting rid of Darren was short-lived when he was replaced by Al.
‘Don’t talk to me,’ she hissed at him out of the side of her mouth as he sat down beside her.
‘Well, that’s not very friendly. How can I sit here and not talk to you?’
‘You seemed to manage all right with those two.’ She nodded across the table, where the two women were ignoring the rules and had scooched beside each other to continue their chat. They were deep in conversation, talking animatedly.
‘Lesley—’
‘Stop!’ She held up a hand to silence him, still refusing to look at him. ‘If you talk to me, I’ll tell everyone that you’re here under false pretences.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I know you’re just here as filler. If you say another word to me, I’ll expose you as the imposter you are.’
‘I’m not an imposter,’ he hissed at her as pots of chocolate mousse were placed in front of them.
Lesley was momentarily distracted by the arrival of dessert. She picked up her spoon and tasted the mousse.
‘How’s your dessert?’ Al asked.
‘Mind your own business. I’m not talking to you.’
‘And I’m not just filler, by the way. That’s a horrible thing to say.’
