Page 81 of For Love or Money
‘Oh. Well, as it happens, you were right. I don’t.’
‘Anyone else?’ Scott asked. ‘There’s room for one more.’
‘Two more, surely?’ Jane said.
Scott shook his head. ‘My boyfriend’s sharing mine.’
‘Boyfriend?’ Lesley frowned.
Jane looked around. ‘Is Louis here?’
‘No, he met someone,’ Rafe said, rolling his eyes. ‘Someone new.’
‘What? When did this happen?’
‘Just now,’ Scott said to her. ‘In the line at the jet ski place. His name’s Leo. Or was it Larry?’ He frowned. ‘Anyway, I think I’m in love.’
‘Not wasting any time,’ Peter said, grinning. ‘Good for you!’
‘How about you, Joy?’ Scott asked.
Joy shook her head. ‘I think a pedalo is more my speed,’ she said with a wry smile.
‘Stella?’ Rafe called across to her. ‘Care to join me?’
She looked up from rubbing sunscreen onto her legs. ‘Um ... I don’t think so,’ she said, glancing at Peter. ‘Thanks.’
‘Go,’ Peter said to her. ‘You’ll enjoy it.’
‘Yes, please come,’ Lesley said. ‘I don’t want to be the only newbie.’
Stella smiled uncertainly at Rafe. ‘Okay, then.’
* * *
Peter watchedStella and Rafe as they walked away together, and felt a sudden sharp pang of longing – for quite what, he couldn’t say. For their youth, perhaps: their lithe, supple bodies; their energy and vitality? Or for that feeling of possibility that they seemed to exude – of life opening up and the potential for new beginnings? Maybe he was nostalgic for a time when there were still new experiences to be had, first times and fresh adventures ahead of him.
As he watched, Rafe leaned in and said something in Stella’s ear, and she threw her head back, giving an open-throated laugh. He was struck by how young she looked. It was good to see her so happy and relaxed, and he was glad that Rafe was being nice to her. He’d worried that he’d give her a hard time. Watching them together, he wondered, not for the first time, if he was doing Stella a disservice by marrying her. If he was out of the picture ...
If I was a jealous man, he thought ... and then he caught himself. Hewasa jealous man. He remembered the fierce burning pain he’d felt whenever Jane had flirted with another man. Just thinking about it conjured up a corrosive gnawing in his gut, like a visceral thing, as if it was happening right now.
Why was that? Why could he watch Stella with Rafe now and not mind? Was it simply because he didn’t love her like he’d loved Jane? Or was it just one more thing age robbed you of? Everything else had slowed down and diminished. Perhaps feeling became muted too, and along with fading and failing senses, your heart lost the ability to burn and ache with want.
It should be a good thing to be calmer, more content. But he hated the way aging chipped away bit by bit at everything that made him who he was. Inside he was still the same person he’d always been. But only the people he’d known all his life saw that – sawhim. To everyone else, he was just a gentle, subdued old man with everything he used to be consigned to the past.
‘Can you believe that son of ours?’ Jane said, flopping down on the lounger that Stella had vacated. ‘Poor Louis not cold in his bed.’
‘Scott?’ Peter grinned. ‘He was ever thus. He always made friends easily.’
‘Yeah.’ Jane smiled crookedly. ‘He takes after you.’
‘For better or worse.’
‘I like to think our children have the best of both of us. That’s why they’re perfect.’
‘At least that suggests I hadsomeredeeming qualities.’
‘You weren’t the worst. The good always outshone the bad.’
