Page 130 of The Reboot
He looked up at her in shock, unable to speak. He didn’t like feeling so in the wrong – not here, not with her. But confronted with all the heartache he’d caused her and his mum, he couldn’t avoid his guilt.
‘You think she ruined your life,’ she said. ‘I don’t know if you’d evenhavea life anymore, if it weren’t for her.’
It reminded him of what Pippa had said – that he didn’t know what his life would have been like if Ella hadn’t done what she did. But that cut two ways.
‘But she lied to me about it!’ he said, grasping for some moral high ground. ‘She should have told me. That’s what I really can’t get past.’
To his relief, she nodded. ‘She should. But we all make mistakes.’ She gave him a pointed look. ‘She was just a kid, Roly. You were both just kids, trying to do your best.’
36
‘Roly,you shake that beautiful tush of yours, and grind up against Zack.’
They were rehearsing for the video of what was to be the first single off their new album, once again working with Boo Sanchez, choreographer to the stars. Roly liked Boo, but he’d always hated his ideas. He was talking them through the dance moves for the video.
‘Zack, you’re doing the same. Then you turn to each other at the same time. Big moment.’ He held his hands up, palms open. ‘You eyeball each other. Eyeball, eyeball, eyeball – three beats. Then key change, crescendo, crescendo crescendo – and you kiss.’
‘We what?’ Boo had really lost the plot this time. Liam and Alex sniggered.
‘You kiss.’
‘Me and Zack?’
‘Yes. You cup the back of his head, pull him in and then you kiss. Fireworks, confetti, whatever. The end.’
‘So … we kiss to the end of the song? That’s, like … a whole minute almost.’
‘I know, so romantic!’ Boo clutched a hand to his heart. ‘The fans will love it.’
‘They’ll go nuts for it,’ Zack grinned. ‘And it’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?’ he said to Roly.
Roly groaned. ‘Yeah, right. I’ve always wanted to get with you, Zack.’
‘Come on, we all know it’s true. You wrote a whole book about it.’ He smirked.
Back in the day some uber-fan had written a torrid fan fiction story about him and Zack falling in love and having sex all the time. It had blown up in their fandom, and Zack thought it was hilarious. It had been a running joke with him that Roly was the anonymous author, and sometimes when he was high he’d insisted on reading out long, lurid passages to everyone about them lusting after each other and sucking each other’s knobs. To Roly’s mortification, the novel had eventually been picked up by a publisher and became a huge bestseller.
‘It’s the only reason I came back,’ Roly said now. ‘To get inspiration for my next porno blockbuster.’
‘I knew it!’
‘Okay, let’s take a break,’ Boo said, clapping his hands. ‘I’ll see you back here in fifteen minutes, and I want you two ready for some serious lip action.’
‘Seriously, though,’ Roly said as Boo left the room, ‘I don’t think I want to do this.’
‘I won’t slip you the tongue, I promise.’ Zack laughed. ‘Unless you beg me to, of course. Come on, don’t be such a wuss. It’s just one little kiss.’
But it wasn’t just one little kiss. If it was in the video, they’d have to perform the routine night after night, at every concert, including the kiss – the fans would expect it. They’d demand it. He could already hear them baying for it. It would be there every time the video was played, giving rise to endless prurient speculation and gossip about his love life, his sexual orientation … But it wasn’t just that.
He didn’t want to spend his time bickering with producers over songs he didn’t really care about anyway and scrabbling for the limelight with Zack. He didn’t want to keep singing the same songs he sang ten years ago. He wanted something new. He wanted to wake up feeling excited about what he was doing, like he’d been when he was writing with Phoenix.
‘I don’t just mean the kiss. I mean all of it. The video, this song. I hate this song.’
‘You wrote it.’
‘Co-wrote it. And I hate the arrangement. I hate the cheesy as fuck dance routine, I hate the whole video concept.’
Maybe Charlie was right and he’d been lucky to quit when he did. Being in Oh Boy! was all about compromise and sucking up. That was fine when they’d been a bunch of gormless teenagers, but now they were five grown-ass men with their own ideas, their own creativity, pulling in five different directions and none of them getting to go where they wanted.
