Page 117 of The Reboot
‘Thanks.’
As she watched Jake walk away, she looked around at the brightly lit office with its colourful pods and sofas, all the smiley, bubbly people with their bright smiles and enthusiasm, and wondered what the hell she was doing here. She didn’t belong in this place. It was only ever meant to be a stop-gap, a temporary arrangement that, like her relationship with Roly, she had let go on too long.
Somewhere along the way, she’d lost sight of her goals and allowed herself to drift off course, tossed around by the tide until she was completely at sea, and about as far from her planned destination as she could possibly get. Maybe the split with Roly was the wake-up call she needed. She’d completely abandoned her dreams and ambitions. What had happened to getting her life back on track? All those wasted years when she’d been ill hadn’t been her fault. But now every year, every day, every moment that she wasted was down to her, and she felt the weight of regret at the thought of losing one more second.
What was she doing here, dicking around with patent applications for someone else’s inventions and funding proposals for someone else’s business? She could only ever be on the side-lines in this world, cheering on the real players, watching someone else win. She should be chasing her own dreams.
She had to take charge of her life again and carve her own path, find her own way to where she wanted to be. She’d made some headway on paying off her debts, and Hazel was right, it was never going to be the ideal time to go back to college. She had to stop letting herself get side-tracked, and take steps to get back to the life she wanted – and there was no better time to start than right now. She grabbed her phone and called Hazel.
That afternoon, she found Jake and Dylan huddled together over a laptop in one of the pods, and asked if she could have a word with them in private.
‘Yes, of course.’ Dylan shot her a worried look, and Jake immediately snapped the laptop shut and picked it up as he stood. They brought her to the meeting room and shut the door. Ella smiled as she sat on the sofa opposite them, reminded of the day she’d come here for her interview.
‘I’m glad you’ve decided to talk to us,’ Dylan said. ‘Jake told me you’ve broken up with Roly. I’m really sorry.’
‘Oh! Well, I wouldn’t say broken up. I mean, Ididn’tsay broken up. We were just friends, really.’
‘But you were … together?’
‘For about five minutes. It hardly seems to count.’
‘Right.’ Jake nodded. ‘Sorry. Anyway, the point is, you’re upset. If you want to talk about it—’
‘We’re all ears.’
‘Dylan’s actually really good at this stuff.’
‘Yeah, I’m a very good listener,’ Dylan said. ‘I’ve done years of therapy, so I’ve picked up quite a lot.’
‘All our friends go to him for advice.’
‘So if you want to talk through what happened with you and Roly—’
‘You know you can always talk to us. Any time. Our door is always … non-existent.’
‘Thanks.’ Ella gulped, so touched she was afraid she was going to start crying again.
‘You guys seemed great together,’ Dylan said. ‘I’m sure it isn’t anything that can’t be fixed.’
She shook her head. ‘It can’t. But it’s not about Roly. I mean, that is the reason I’ve been such a basket case. But it’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.’
‘Okay.’ They both looked at her expectantly.
‘I, um … I want to give my notice.’
‘Oh.’
‘Oh no!’
They looked stricken, and Ella immediately felt awful, like she’d kicked a puppy. For a moment they just stared at her in shocked silence, and she felt a wave of self-loathing as she looked at their earnest, open faces. She wished they’d be blasé about it, behave like the brash, callow idiots she’d first thought they were. But they wore their hearts on their sleeves, and it was plain to see they were upset.
‘So, talk to us,’ Jake said, rallying. ‘What’s the problem?’
‘We thought you were happy here.’
‘I am. I was.’ Ella brushed her jeans, feeling as awkward as she had that first day. ‘It’s nothing to do with you, or this place.’
‘You’re saying it’s not you, it’s me?’
