Page 119 of The Reboot
‘Spoken like a man who bought a pair of leather trousers after his last break-up.’
Dylan laughed. ‘Yeah, heartbreak can come out in ways you don’t expect.’
‘He’s right, though,’ Jake said. ‘Why don’t you go away and think about it for a while?’
‘My friend needs an answer soon or she’ll have to take on someone else. But don’t worry, I won’t leave you in the lurch. I’ll work my month’s notice.’
Jake gave a defeated sigh. ‘Okay, well … we’ll talk to Kerry and she’ll sort out the details. But if you change your mind at any point…’
‘You’ll be the first to know.’
Ella felt like she was walking around under a cloud for the rest of the day. She seemed to have cast a pall over everything, and there was a heavy, morose atmosphere around the building. She’d never seen Jake and Dylan so downbeat, their usual bounce and vigour gone. They looked troubled and dejected, their shoulders slumped and their expressions solemn.
In the afternoon, Kerry came to speak to her. She’d heard the news and said how sorry she was, but Ella couldn’t help feeling there was a slightly accusatory look in her eyes too. She couldn’t wait to get home that evening. She’d expected to feel more light-hearted and positive once she’d made her decision, but instead she felt leaden, weighed down with guilt for letting everyone down.
She told herself she had no reason to feel guilty. It was her life, and she didn’t owe Jake and Dylan anything. They’d been good employers, and she’d been a good worker — it was a fair transaction on both sides, but that was all it was. She was expendable, and they’d replace her easily. No one could replace her in her own life. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t seem to convince herself.
It wasn’t fair. She’d taken control and done something positive for herself. She should be feeling proud and purposeful. She was on her way to the life she wanted. So why did she feel so bloody sad? It was probably the break-up with Roly, casting a shadow over everything. She’d feel better once she started working in Trinity.
32
In the daysafter Ella left, Roly felt like he was living over a sink hole, as if the earth might split apart at any moment and swallow him up. He was wobbly and nervous all the time, as if aware that something bad was about to happen, a constant state of free-floating anxiety with no particular focus. He woke every morning with a feeling of dread, but couldn’t put his finger on what was causing it. The world seemed to tilt dizzily on its axis and shake beneath his feet. He was cold and shivery, as if afflicted with some mysterious virus. Nothing seemed to make sense, nothing felt solid and reliable. He woke from nightmares shouting, desperately trying to escape some unidentifiable terror. He dreamed he was on a plane that could crash at any moment, only held up by the force of his anxiety.
His house felt empty now without Ella in it, his bed emptier still.
‘Where’s Ella?’ his mum asked him when they went to his nan’s for Sunday dinner.
‘We’re not together anymore.’
He felt her watching him carefully. ‘You split up?’
He nodded. ‘Yeah. She moved back to her mum’s.’
‘Oh no.’ His mother flopped into the seat beside him.
‘What happened?’ his nan asked.
‘We … we had a big row.’ For some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to tell them what Ella had done. Out of some sort of warped sense of loyalty, he wouldn’t betray her – which was ironic. ‘It just wasn’t working.’
‘I’m really sorry to hear that.’ His mum put a hand over his on the table, giving him a sympathetic look. ‘You seemed so good together.’
He hated the disappointment and sorrow in their faces. They loved Ella and they could see he was miserable. He felt he’d let them down and he wished he could tell them, justify himself, make them see that Ella was the one in the wrong and it was all her fault. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
‘Maybe you can patch things up between you,’ his mum said, her eyes full of hope.
‘No. I don’t think so, Mum.’
His nan sighed. ‘Well, that’s a real shame. You were so happy.’
‘Yeah, I was. We were.’ And now he was so weighed down by sadness he could hardly breathe.
At least things were going well for him career-wise. Oh Boy! were in rehearsals for concerts, working on songs, and they’d be going into the studio soon to record a new album. He was grateful that he had work as a distraction and he threw himself into it with whatever energy he could muster.
It was strange being back with the lads, relearning their old dance routines, singing their old songs. But the weirdest thing about it was how normal it felt. Sometimes it seemed like only yesterday since they’d last performed together. Then he’d slide across the floor on his knees and feel every one of those intervening years.
They’d quickly fallen back into their old mix of camaraderie and rivalry. He didn’t feel the old excitement he used to, but that would probably come back once they were touring and recording again. Bit by bit, he was reclaiming his old life. He decided it was time to start the Pippa offensive. He started stalking her on Instagram, posting flirty replies to her photos. If nothing else, it would piss Adam Leader off.
‘None for me, thanks,’ Pippa said as Loretta cut thick slices of lemon drizzle cake. Roly wasn’t feeling a whole lot better, but he’d called Pippa anyway. He met her after his NA meeting, and took her for coffee at his mum’s instead of going to a cafe. He didn’t see enough of his mum or nan now that he was busy rehearsing with Oh Boy! But he was already regretting it. His mum would never say anything, never let it show, but he knew she’d never been that fond of Pippa. And Pippa … well, he was remembering she wasn’t the most empathetic person on the planet.
