Page 138 of The Reboot
‘If you want to beat yourself up for messing up your life, then you should give yourself credit for turning it around too. They were also choices you made, going to rehab—’
He gave a derisory laugh.
‘Okay, so you didn’t want to go in the first place. But you stayed. You stuck with it. Maybe other people forced your hand and helped you get sober. But youstayedsober. You did that yourself. You got fit, you wrote amazing songs, you got your career back on track.Youdid all that.’
He gave a small smile. ‘With a little help from my friends.’
‘We all need a bit of help now and then. But if you want to take responsibility for your life choices, take it for the good stuff too. Own it. You should be proud of yourself, Roly.’ She took a deep breath. ‘And by the way, my life isn’t ruined,’ she said quietly.
His eyes glistened. ‘Neither is mine. And that’s thanks to you.’
Her eyes welled up with tears and she shook her head, her throat too clogged to speak. Because there was so much tenderness and love in his eyes, and he hadn’t said it yet, but she felt it was out there, hovering just out of reach – forgiveness.
‘I’ve been thinking about something Pippa said recently.’
Oh great, she was going to get the Wisdom of Pippa. Way to ruin the moment, Roly.
‘She said I’d never know what my life might have been like if you hadn’t done what you did that night. I’ll never know what might have happened if that photo hadn’t gone public. And she’s right – I won’t.’
‘I’m so sorry—’ she began, but he held up a hand to stop her.
‘But I do know what happened when you did,’ he continued. ‘I know that I’m sober and solvent, and doing creative work that I love and that I’m really fucking proud of.’ He took a shaky breath. ‘And I know that my best friend is a woman who loves me no matter what and doesn’t care if I’m a big pop star or working in a crummy cafe or even living on benefits. A woman who’ll do what she thinks is best for me, even if it means losing something she wants.’
He reached out and took her hand. ‘I have a life that I love and a best friend who’s always been there for me, even though there were times when we didn’t see each other for ages, and you probably thought I’d forgotten about you. And maybe I had on some level. But subconsciously I always knew you were out there somewhere, keeping the plane up. Deep down I always knew you’d be there, waiting for me. Like a home I could always go back to. You’re my home, Ella.’
She choked a sob, tears spilling down her face.
‘You’re the only thing I lost from back then that I miss, the only bit of my old life that I want back.’ He smiled wearily. ‘And I’ve hardly slept since you left, so will you please move back in with me? And will you please stay here tonight, and come to bed with me? I need my brainiac friend to keep the plane up so I can sleep, because I’m fucking wrecked!’
She was too choked up to speak, so she just nodded, smiling through her tears.
‘I love you so much, Ella.’
‘I love you too,’ she sobbed when she’d caught her breath.
He pulled her into his arms and they kissed and kissed as they clung to each other – long, slow, languorous kisses that seemed to go on forever.
‘Just one thing, though,’ she said when they finally broke apart. ‘There’s something I feel I should tell you. That thing about keeping the plane up? You kind of make me feel the opposite.’
‘What, that the plane is going to crash?’ His eyes were wide with alarm.
She laughed, shaking her head. ‘No. That I can just let go and everything will be okay. It’ll stay in the air whether I’m paying attention or not, and I don’t need to concentrate at all. So I can just relax and enjoy the ride.’
He grinned and pulled her into his arms. ‘Wow, we’re not compatible at all, are we?’
‘Not even a little bit.’
‘So, what do you say? Give it a go anyway?’
‘Why not?’
‘I can’t think of a single reason.’
I Found
‘Hi!’
Ella looked up from her book. Roly Punch. He was sitting right in front of her desk on a chair turned around backwards. On top of it, his chin rested on his folded arms. She wondered how long he’d been there. He grinned at her.
