Page 28 of The Reboot
‘Oh. That was a bold move.’
‘Yeah, I want to lose this.’ He patted his belly. ‘So I’m turning over a new leaf – after this, obviously.’ He nodded to the pizza.
‘Yeah, me too. I’ve put on so much weight since I’ve been ill. I’ll have fizzy water, please.’
When he went to get the drinks, Ella got up and explored the room. Everything about the place interested her. It had been so long since she’d been let into someone else’s home like this … it was like getting a peek into someone’s life. She studied the shelves, looking at Roly’s things as if they might give her some insight into who he was now – the abstract painting above the fireplace, the blue and white kilim rug in front of the sofa, the rows of games and DVDs. It was weird to think of Roly as someone who owned rugs and lamps. She couldn’t imagine him buying them, picking out sofa cushions, choosing window blinds, deciding what shade to stain the polished wooden floorboards and what colour to paint the walls. It seemed so grown-up, and made him feel more distant from her now, someone she no longer knew.
He came back with drinks and napkins, then cleared a space on the sofa and sat beside her.
‘I can’t believe you’re here,’ Roly said as they ate. It’s really great to see you.’
‘You too.’ She smiled at him – her periodic Huckleberry friend. She’d missed him, she thought, with a sudden rush of longing, as if she wasn’t right here with him. Maybe she was pining for all the years she’d lost with him. She took a sip of water. ‘It’s been such a long time…’
He gave a sad smile. ‘Yeah, well, I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again after how I was the last time we met.’
She frowned. He was still talking about that night before Christmas in Fifth & Liquor, and thought she’d been the one to let their friendship fizzle out. There was some truth in it in a way. He’d always been the one to initiate their meet-ups, and it had taken her by surprise every time he’d got in touch again. But she could have reached out to him if she’d wanted to. If she was honest with herself, she’d been relieved when she hadn’t heard from him again after that night at Marty’s. She couldn’t have been around him after that, couldn’t have continued to be his friend, without telling him what she’d done – and she didn’t see herself ever having the courage to do that. Even if she had, it would likely have been the end of their friendship anyway. So it was easier not to see him again and content herself with the fact that she’d done the right thing – letting him go had been a necessary part of that.
‘It was nothing to do with you or how you were that night. I think we both just drifted apart. I mean, I never heard from you either. You were busy with the band, and then rehab… I got sick.’
‘You mean you would have forgiven me? For how I was that time?’
‘Of course. There’s nothing to forgive. I knew it wasn’t really you.’ But wouldhehave forgivenher? She didn’t dare ask. ‘You were off your head.’
‘I wish I’d called you afterwards… apologised. I almost did a couple of times, but I lost my nerve.’
‘Anyway, Ididsee you again after that night at Fifth & Liquor. I told you I was at that party in Marty’s house, after the concert in Croke Park.’
‘Oh, yeah.’ He frowned. ‘I forgot.’
She wished she hadn’t mentioned it. Something happened to his face when he was reminded of that night that she didn’t like, and she felt a stab of guilt. It had all fallen apart for him after that party. Because she’d thrown him under the bus … or pushed him out of its path. Sometimes she still wasn’t sure which.
In fact, the very last time she’d seen Roly, he hadn’t been obnoxious at all – just sad and pathetic. Her mind shied away as it always did from the image of him hunched in a corner of Marty’s guest bathroom chopping out lines, a half-empty bottle of vodka beside him. He’d looked so lost – gaunt, pale and dead-eyed, staring at her unseeingly when she came into the room. She’d been so scared and sad for him. When she forced her mind back to that night, she knew she’d done the right thing. He’d been drowning and she’d thrown him a life-belt. Anyone who loved him would have done the same.
‘Do you still see any of the guys from the band?’
‘Yeah, I see Charlie occasionally since he’s moved back to Dublin. The rest of us sort of drifted apart. The band was all we had in common, really. Once that was gone…’ He shrugged.
‘But you were so close. You’d been through such intense experiences together.’
‘I know – like people who survived the Titanic or something. There were things we could only really talk about with each other – things only the five of us understood. We were the only ones who knew what it was like being in Oh Boy! I thought we’d be friends for ever.’
‘Do you miss it? The band?’
‘Only every other minute of the day.’
She gave him a sympathetic smile. ‘Yeah, I know what that’s like.’
‘But I plan to get it back – all of it.’
‘Well, you’ve made a good start.’
He frowned, confused. ‘You think?’ he asked sardonically.
‘You did rehab. You’ve got clean and sober.’
He gave a dismissive shrug. ‘Oh, that.’
‘That’s a big deal, Roly. You should give yourself credit.’
