Page 4 of The Reboot
‘Yes!’ Dylan punched the air. ‘You’re with me.’
‘That’s his song,’ Jake said. ‘If you’d said “I Got You Babe”, you’d be with me.’
‘What if I’d said neither?’
‘Then it could go either way.’
‘Wait,’ Dylan said, ‘are you Elton or Kiki?’
‘Kiki.’ Theoretically. She’d never done karaoke in her life, and didn’t intend for that to change.
‘Excellent. If you’d said Elton, I’d have to fight you for it.’
‘He does a mean Elton, in fairness. Uncanny, really.’
‘Are you Sonny or Cher?’ Ella asked Jake.
‘Cher. Always Cher.’
There followed a rapid-fire round of increasingly daft questions – favourite colour Smarties, five celebrities you’d invite to a dinner party (dead or alive), what emoji do you use most often (Ella said eye-roll, which was true, but immediately regretted choosing something so negative), favourite pizza toppings, muffin flavour, cocktail, coffee order, last thing she watched on TV (the actual last thing was a documentary on dogging, so Ella swapped in the second-last thing, a rewatch of the ‘Open Mic’ episode ofSchitt’s Creek), who would you root for in a fight between Spiderman and Batman…
‘Wouldn’t they be on the same side?’
‘Good point,’ Jake said, nodding thoughtfully. ‘Let’s scrub that one,’ he said to Dylan.
‘Okay, final question,’ Dylan said, and Ella sagged with relief that this ridiculous ordeal was almost over. Her energy levels were actually pretty good at the moment, but this interview was wearing her out. She needed a lie down. ‘A penguin walks in here wearing a sombrero.’ He nodded to the door. ‘Why is he here and what does he say?’
‘Um … I guess…’ Oh, who was she kidding? She should save her energy and go home. There was only one question these two wanted the answer to: are you cool enough to work here? And the answer was… ‘No.’
Dylan frowned and looked to Jake.
Jake shrugged. ‘I don’t get it.’
‘That’s not the penguin saying no, that’s me saying no. Sorry, but this isn’t going to work.’ She waved a hand between them. ‘I’m obviously not what you’re looking for.’ She smiled to show there were no hard feelings as she lifted her bag onto her shoulder. ‘We might as well call it a day and not waste any more of each other’s time.’
They both stared at her dumbfounded as she stood and held out her hand, and Ella felt a little gleam of triumph that she’d silenced them at last. ‘It was lovely meeting you,’ she said graciously.
They both shook hands with her, looking bemused.
‘It’s been fun,’ Dylan said. ‘Great to meet you.’
‘Thanks for coming in. We’ll be in touch by the end of the week,’ Jake was saying as she turned to go.
‘Really there’s no need,’ she called over her shoulder. ‘But thank you for your time.’
‘Ella!’ They both called after her as she made her way to the door, her heart pounding in her ears. ‘Wait!’
She didn’t turn around, ignoring their shouts as she reached for the door handle, determined to make a dignified exit. She was proud of herself for taking control of the situation and ending the interview on her own terms.
‘Hang on, that’s not—’
She pulled the door closed behind her – and found herself plunged into total darkness. Oh no! As her eyes adjusted to the gloom, she realised she had walked into a store cupboard.
2
‘How did it go, honey?’her mother called as Ella closed the front door behind her.
She fought against the irritation that bubbled up inside her. But jeez, couldn’t she at least have a minute to take her coat off first?
