Page 71 of The Reboot
‘Oh! That’s…great.’ Shit! Was this the ‘something to fall back on’ that his mother had set him up for? ‘I mean, I’d need something more flexible, though, in case something better turns up.’
‘Like what?’
He shrugged. ‘Well, if I was offeredStrictly, for instance.’
She smiled. ‘Your friend Zack did that a while back, didn’t he? He was really good.’
‘Yeah, brilliant.’ He’d made it to the final, but at least he’d fallen short of winning.
‘Maybe you’d be better off getting a job and doing music in your spare time? I’m sure lots of artists like yourself have day jobs to pay the bills. In fact, one of our senior officers here is an author! She’s had two books published.’
‘Good for her.’
‘And Kevin in Accounts plays in a folk band at weekends. They’re really good. They played a few songs at our Christmas party last year. I could ask him to have a chat with you, if you’d like? Nothing official, but I’m sure he’d be happy to give you some tips. He might even have some useful contacts for you.’
‘Um … thanks. Maybe later down the line? If I’m…’ What was a polite word for ‘desperate’? ‘I mean, when I’ve … exhausted other avenues. Tried to make it on my own, you know.’ Did she seriously think he should be taking showbiz tips from Kevin in Accounts? It didn’t sound like his singing career was the roaring success Geraldine seemed to imagine it was.
‘Oh, funerals!’ she suddenly exclaimed, her face lighting up.
‘What?’
‘People are always looking for someone to sing at funerals, aren’t they? That could be perfect for you.’
‘Right,’ he nodded thoughtfully as if he was seriously considering this. ‘Well, it’s certainly something to think about.’ Geraldine was so obviously delighted with her ideas, and he didn’t want to be mean.
‘How would you get that?’ She tapped her pen against her teeth while she thought. ‘You could contact churches, I suppose? No, funeral directors! Yes, that’s it! When we were burying my mother, the funeral directors booked the singer for us. They were marvellous – took care of everything. They have lists of singers – we even had a choice!’
Roly peered over and saw she was writing ‘funeral singer’ on her pad, right under ‘cruise ship entertainer’ and ‘clerical officer’.
‘Okay, great start. We’re making headway here, Roly. You should contact some funeral directors, get on their books. Do you know “Abide With Me”? “Be Still My Soul?”’
‘Um … no.’
‘Well, I’m sure you’d learn in no time. I don’t know if they have auditions or how it works, but maybe you should start practising a few hymns, just in case.’
‘Sure.’
‘What else, what else?’ She tapped her pen excitedly against her pad as she mused. ‘Oh! Bring him home! What about that?’
‘Um … is that … a taxi service?’
Geraldine laughed. ‘No, the song.’ She sang a few bars in a high, shaky voice. It sounded like when the stray cats had sex on the garden wall, only creepier. ‘We had that at my uncle’s funeral. It was lovely.’
Roly nodded. ‘Very … spooky.’
‘But taxi could be an idea for you? Or some sort of delivery? Pizzas, flowers, flat-pack furniture … there’s all sorts needs delivering. Do you drive?’
‘No.’ He grimaced regretfully, hoping he didn’t look as relieved as he felt.
‘Oh. Well, you could be one of those ones that scoot around on bikes? Cycle courier? Or takeaway delivery – you know with the little box on the back carrier? Some kind of shift work like that might suit you. It would give you lots of free time for writing your songs. You could deliver pizzas by night, and have the days free to work on your music.’
‘Good idea.’ He couldn’t see himself working as a delivery boy, but maybe some kind of casual work wouldn’t be so bad. It seemed his days of collecting free cash were numbered, so he’d have to come up withsomethingto keep Geraldine off his back until the Oh Boy! reunion got off the ground.
‘Great! Just let me print you out an application form for the clerical officer job.’ She tapped at her computer, and the printer noisily chugged out some pages. She stapled them together and handed him the form. ‘Don’t look so downhearted,’ she said, giving him a bright smile. ‘We’ll find you something. You won’t be unemployed for long on my watch.’
‘Thanks, Geraldine. You’ve been very helpful.’ He stood, clutching the application form. ‘It’s been a real eye-opener.’
‘Not at all, Roly. That’s what I’m here for. Let me know how you get on. And if there’s anything else you need, don’t hesitate to give me a call.’ She took a business card from her desk and handed it to him.
