Page 77 of The Reboot
‘Really?’ She cast her mind back, combing through her memories – the boozy student parties they’d been at together, the nights they’d spent in the campus bar, their holiday in Greece where they’d sipped ouzo outside little tavernas – trying to find something she hadn’t seen at the time. But she came up blank. He’d overdone it sometimes, same as the rest of them. But it hadn’t been a problem. He used to love drinking. He’d even been a bit of a knob about wine. She’d thought he’d appreciate the New Zealand sauvignon blanc she’d opened tonight. One of her former clients had sent it to her as a farewell gift, and she’d been saving it for a special occasion when she’d have someone to share it with.
‘I don’t remember you having any issues with alcohol when we were together.’
‘Don’t you? I seem to recall a lot of mornings waking up in a cold sweat about what I’d done the night before. Not to mention the lectures I skipped the next day or the study hours I wasted because I stayed in bed late, sleeping it off.’
‘You had hangovers, and The Fear – that doesn’t make you an alcoholic. It’s called being a student.’
‘I’m not a student anymore. Anyway, who said anything about being an alcoholic?’
‘Um… you did.’
He smiled, shaking his head, seeming amused at her confusion. ‘I said I was eight months sober, not that I have a substance abuse disorder. It’s interesting that you automatically jump to that conclusion.’
‘It’s a reasonable assumption when you throw around phrases like “eight months sober”.’
‘People are so black and white about it – you either have total alcohol dependency or you’re a “normal” drinker. But it’s a spectrum, isn’t it? Like most things.’
She shrugged. ‘I suppose.’
‘I don’t have an addiction. I can even still enjoy the very occasional glass of wine now and then—’
‘Oh!’
‘But I came to realise that I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. It was adversely affecting my life – my work, my relationships. So you could say I had a drink problem.’
‘I suppose you could.’ If you really want to have one, she thought, angry on behalf of Roly and all the other real alcoholics who’d rather not. Because she could see this was just another pose for him, like being broke.
‘One day I took a long, hard look at myself and I didn’t like what I saw.’
Ella could understand that. She was taking a long, hard look at him right now, and not liking what she saw very much. Had he always been this pompous and sanctimonious? Maybe drink had affectedherrelationships too, and she’d seen him through rosé-tinted glasses.
‘So when you say you’re sober, you just mean you’re cutting down a bit on drink?’
‘No, it’s more than that. I identify as sober, but that might mean not drinking ninety-nine days out of a hundred. I’m more mindful about it. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.’
‘Good to know. In that case, you won’t mind if I…’ She picked up the bottle and poured herself a large glass. He used to love wine. He was probably gagging for a glass right now, but then he’d have to give up the chance to be smug. What a dilemma for him!
‘I’d rather you didn’t,’ he said.
I bet you would, the thought, taking a swig. She had a feeling it was going to be a long night, and was regretting not opting for an evening of indulgent solitude. She might as well have. She was going to be drinking alone anyway.
‘Don’t worry,’ she said disingenuously. ‘I’m on the don’t-have-one end of the drink problem spectrum, so it’s fine.’ He looked put out as she took another sip, and she hated how much that pleased her.
‘I thought you’d want to be supportive of my sobriety. Doesn’t it occur to you that it might be triggering for me?’
Triggering! ‘I don’t see how. Roly doesn’t have any problem with me drinking around him, and he’s a real alcoholic.’ Gah, why was she being such a bitch?
‘Are you sure about that?’
‘Yep. He’s got a pin from AA and everything.’
Andrew didn’t laugh, just gave her a patient, patronising smile. ‘I mean, are you sure he doesn’t have a problem with being around alcohol? Maybe he’s just too nice to say anything?’
Unlike you, she thought, taking a big gulp of wine.
‘I mean, it must make it more difficult for him.’
She shook her head. ‘No, I believe him. I think it was hard for him at first, when he came out of rehab, but he’s learned to cope.’
