Page 85 of The Reboot
‘Wow, that was quick.’ Roly turned to see Ray struggling through the door with a long, oblong piece of cardboard.
‘Ta da!’ With a flourish he stood it on the floor and turned it around to face Roly. ‘Roly Punch, meet … Roly Punch!’
Roly couldn’t believe his eyes as he eyeballed a life-size cardboard cut-out of himself.
‘Oh my god!’
‘I found it online. It’s amazing, isn’t it?’ Ray grinned, delighted with himself.
‘It’s … incredible!’
‘See, this way we have the best of both worlds. We’ll still be the cafe that has Roly Punch, and people can come in and take selfies with him if they want to.’
‘But … he won’t be able to work the coffee machine. Or, you know … take orders and stuff.’
‘Ah, no. I’ll have to get someone to replace you as a waiter, of course. But they’ll be able to serve customers at the same time as your fans take selfies with this fella. I can put you off in a corner where you won’t get in anyone’s way, maybe even set up a booth and charge people to take photos with you.’ Ray rubbed his hands gleefully. ‘It’s a great idea, isn’t it?’
‘It’s brilliant, Ray. Genius.’ Roly couldn’t take his eyes off the cut-out figure. It was surreal.
‘He doesn’t have quite your personality, of course.’
‘Well, I’d hope not.’
‘But he’ll always be here – a sort of monument to you, as it were.’
‘Like my very own Barack Obama Plaza.’
‘Exactly!’
It wasn’t Roly’s proudest moment, being replaced by a piece of cardboard, but as he walked home, he found he was pretty cheerful on the whole about being let go. It would free up more time for him to work on getting in shape. Now that the Oh Boy! reunion was underway, he was on a deadline and he needed to step up his fitness training. Then a horrible thought occurred to him. Did this mean he had to go back to signing on? And how the hell could he explain this to Geraldine?
Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around
It wasthe week before Christmas, and Ella was busy studying for exams amid a flurry of shopping, parties and get-togethers when Roly called. It was over a year since she’d last seen him. They still messaged and spoke on the phone sometimes, but increasingly rarely, so she was surprised when he said he was in Dublin and wanted to meet up. But she didn’t hesitate, despite the fact that she had so much to do and so many people with more of a claim on her time.
Luckily it was the party season, so she didn’t have to worry about having nothing to wear. She’d bought a sparkly silver mini dress last week that she loved, and as she got ready to go out, she felt all the excitement and anticipation of a big date. Except that it wasn’t a date, of course, she told herself, pausing as she brushed her hair to give herself a stern look in the mirror. It was just Roly – two old friends catching up. That’s what she’d told Andrew – that she was meeting up with an old friend from school – and it was the truth.
He suggested the place – a dark, trendy bar on the quays that she’d never been to before. Even though she was the one who still lived in Dublin, he was more up to date on the cool new places.
He was already there when she arrived. She peered through the gloom and found him sitting at a table near the back. He was wearing a hideous red suit and sporting a scruffy old-man beard. His hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in weeks. Why did beautiful people do that – as if ugly clothes and grungy hair were some kind of camouflage? He still looked lovely to her. But she noticed his eyes were glassy as he stood to greet her, and his breath smelled of whiskey as he kissed her cheek.
‘This is nice,’ she said, looking around. The bar was ostentatiously quirky, with plush red sofas and heavy crimson curtains giving it a bordello air.
‘What’ll you have?’ Roly slid a thick, hardcover cocktail menu across the table.
Ella flipped through the pages. Each cocktail had a page dedicated to it, with long, whimsical blurbs and flowery descriptions of the ingredients. She plumped for a Death in the Afternoon, which apparently had been invented by Ernest Hemingway. Roly ordered something called a Corpse Reviver #2, which seemed appropriate.
‘So, how’ve you been?’ she asked as their drinks were delivered by an impossibly glamorous waitress.
‘Brilliant, yeah. Our new single is top of the charts ten weeks running so far. The album went straight in at number one in the UK and US.’
‘That’s … great. Congratulations! But I meantyou. How areyoudoing?’
‘Well, great, obviously.’
‘What have you been up to?’
‘You mean apart from touring all over the world, playing sell-out concerts, and generally living the dream?’
