Page 49 of Ruined
He had seen through me, even then.
His gaze explored my body. He was always attentive, studying me like a project he couldn’t quite figure out, a mystery he was going to solve, no matter what it took.
But there was Nora. I couldn’t stop seeing Lucas for money. Now now. I needed to make enough to pay off all of our debts. By raising the fees when I first met him, I was closer to that break-even line than before, and I needed to keep it going. There was no guarantee that I’d find a new member as generous as Lucas.
I needed to remember that. But I hoped—no, Iwishedthat there was a way we could make it work beyond these walls. Beyond our connection of money.
I pulled the robe away from my body. It was becoming hot. I needed air.
“Haley,” he murmured.
Just say it, I thought. Say what he wants to hear. It’s not a lie.
“I want you to humiliate me,” I said.
His eye contact was strong, peering down into my soul.
“Update your terms,” he said. He pulled out a copy of the term sheet from inside of his jacket pocket and gave it to me. My hands were shaking.
What was I doing?
If we were in the Dahlia District, then we had to do this kind of thing in the Terrariums, where we would be out of view. He would have to pay. Nora would be able to stay in her over-priced boarding school, and she’d be safe from Dahlia.
Kissing. Maybe sucking. He had already licked and sucked my nipples and my clit.
Maybe that was okay. It wasn’t penetrative.
But his finger had been inside of me.
I closed my eyes and bit my lip, then opened them and quickly marked the sections that suggested oral sex, humiliation, force, and restraint as ‘yes’ for the server.
I left the ‘insert’ sections unmarked. Not yes. Not no. Open-ended.
I couldn’t think about the consequences right then. Mama was probably right. Lucas even believed what she said. Sometimes, you wanted someone and you made stupid decisions. You did things you knew you shouldn’t, and you did them because you wanted to.
But maybe those decisions didn’t always backfire.
I handed him the sheet and he read it over carefully. Then his eyes met mine.
“On your knees,” he said. “Robe and bra off.”
I did as I was told. Quickly. Eagerly. To feel that rush, to forget that this was one of those decisions I knew I shouldn’t be making. My sex clenched tight, anticipating his touch. I kneeled like he said, and my legs instinctively spread. He stood in front, looking down at me. My hands were clasped behind my back. Breasts pushed out, my nipples hard. It was all instinct. To be submissive like this. Ready for him.
There was only cruelty in his eyes then, that glimmer of light completely gone now. He reached down and grasped my breast, squeezing it hard. My breath quickened, and he lowered himself, feeling inside of my panties. My wetness. I moaned.
“Stick out your tongue,” he said. I did as I was told, ready to lick his shoes again, but this time, he stuck his fingers wet with my need all over my tongue, making me taste my own desire. My face flushed red. It was humiliating. To taste this obvious show of my arousal.
But I wanted more of it. More of him. More of everything.
“Do you remember what I said the first time I did this?” he asked in a low voice. I didn’t remember his exact words, but I remember the way he had made me feel. Powerless. Broken.His. “Tell me to fuck your mouth. Beg me to choke you with my cock until I come.”
Was that what he wanted? To make me choke on him?
“I want you to fuck my—”
“Beg me,” he demanded.
I wasn’t begging? No. I had been stating it. Saying what I wanted, wasn’t a request.
