Page 58 of Crushed
CHAPTER 19
Scarlett
I could have killed him at Decadence Revelry.
The thought was stuck in my mind as we traveled back to Cormac’s estate. I could have killed him. Ishouldhave killed him. I had enough poison in a tiny vial stowed in my chignon to kill a family. And with that many people in one building, anyone could have poisoned him, not just me.
If I had gone through with it, this ridiculous sexual humiliation would be a thing of the past. I would never have to go through water torture while being finger fucked. I would never have to be spanked in a room full of people. I would never simultaneously blush and come at the mercy of his lustful manipulation. And I would never again surrender to my own depraved desires.
But those were thoughts. Because in the end, I hadn’t killed him. Instead, I had chosen to obey his every command. To forget the vial.
I gazed out the window, watching the city lights stream past in flashes of emerald and sapphire. There was a coast somewhere, but from the center of the city, you would never know it by sight. Sometimes, you could smell the ocean through the pines and car exhaust, but most of the time, you couldn’t tell it was so close. It didn’t matter who you were: a pharmaceutical tycoon, a new assassin undercover, a controlling father, or a grown-up orphan. We were all stuck in this town, never seeing the ocean, waiting for the next sun to rise.
Should I even become an assassin anymore? Was I good enough at the job? Was I strong enough, like my parents, like Lizzy?
Maybe I wasn’t cut out for it.
No—fuck that. Iknewwhat I was doing. I had lured plenty of people before. Even if Lizzy had completed the assignments, I knew, in my heart, that I could finish them off too. It just happened that this was the first time I had done the one stupid thing I shouldn’t have let become an option.
I had fallen for Cormac.
I turned to face him. His jade green eyes peered down at me, a hint of a smile aimed at me. He pulled me closer to him, his thick bicep around my shoulder, and smelled my hair. Could he still smell the jasmine shampoo he had sent me? Did it please him?
Here was a man who controlled my every waking thought, who wanted to own me down to my bones, to my very soul and mind. Yet his whole goal for that night had been to finish the deal to acquire TSP. He could have shared me. But he didn’t do it. Because he didn’t want to share.
My ass was still sore from where he had spanked me. I wiggled my hips, letting my ass cheeks rub against the seat. Cormac smirked, knowing instantly what I was doing.
“There’s more where that came from,” he said in a sly voice. My gut clenched at the thought.
Maybe I didn’t want to kill him.
There. I had admitted it. I didn’twantto kill Cormac. It didn’t matter how much Issac was willing to pay or how many other people Cormac had blackmailed. As screwed up as it may have been, he was doing it to provide for his daughter, and who could blame him for using all of his means to do that? I cared about what Lizzy thought. But there would be other jobs to complete, other targets to assassinate. Once I explained the situation, once I got her to come out of her damn shell of silence to talk to me, I knew she would understand. She had to.
Because I wasn’t going to kill him, and she wasn’t either. Not now. Not tonight. Not ever.
I leaned on his shoulder, and he kissed the top of my head. The roads were surrounded by the lengthy pines, and soon, the stark walls guarding his estate came into view. Inside, after checking the computer in his office, he led me down the hallway to his bedroom.
Double doors led to a room that was bigger than the entire top floor of Lizzy’s house. A luxurious, oversized four-post bed in one corner. A large couch. A few bureaus spaced throughout. A walk-in. But the part that caught my eye was the curved balcony, looking over the luscious grounds. The moonlight glittered on the open space. I walked out on it, placing my hands on the cold railing. A cool breeze tickled my skin, cooling my ass where it burned from Cormac’s hands.
The truth was that I wanted to experience that every night. I didn’t want him to stop.
He wrapped his arms around me, holding me from behind. I leaned into his touch, relishing the weight of his arms. No longer wearing a jacket, the fabric of his shirt seemed like a rude barrier. I wanted his skin on mine. I wanted him everywhere. I wanted him to understand how it felt to be under his control.
“You did well tonight,” he said.
I opened my mouth to speak, but hesitated, unsure of if the rules were off now that we were in private. He read my mind and nodded.
“You could have shared me,” I said. “It would have helped you get TSP.”
“You’re mine, Scarlett.” A subtle smile crossed his lips. “I’m not going to let anyone touch you. Unless,” he paused, and that expression transformed into a grin, “it’s your fantasy to be shared.”
I shrugged, hiding behind my shoulders. “Not tonight.”
He turned me around to face him, leaning my back against the railing. “What is your fantasy?” His eyes were darker then, silhouetted by the lights coming from inside of the estate. He could have killed me right then, pushing me over the edge of the railing, and I’m positive that his staff would have kept his secrets. He probably had them under his control too. But I knew he wouldn’t do it. I believed, deep down, that he truly wanted me. Like I wanted him.
“I want you,” I said.
“You want me?” As if to ask,Am I all you want?
