Page 36 of Dangerous Silence
“I know it seems like I’m not telling the truth,” he said, “But think back. If you look at the clues, you knew it was there.”
I closed my eyes, shaking my head. He must have been telling me these stories to prove that he knew Dad. That he knew me. When I thought about the night when the burglars came to the butcher shop, I realized something. After Dad made me hide in the freezer, he took me through the back door of the shop. He always had blood on his apron, but this time, it smelled different, more rancid, an animal I didn’t recognize.I’ve gotta deal with this, he had said, kissing me on the forehead.Do your homework in the car. Don’t leave. If you need anything, he handed me his cell phone,Call.
Did you call the police?
Dad didn’t answer, but smiled and walked back into the butcher shop. And that, I realized, was one of my clues. He hadn’t answered. And I had never seen the burglars. I assumed he had them tied up.
Tied them up, then killed them. Like he had taught Axe.
I covered my face with my hands, my whole body shaking.
“He was a monster,” I whispered. “My dad was a monster.”
My chest tightened like I couldn’t breathe, but I squeezed my cheeks, trying to figure out what I was supposed to do. This was a mess. A horrible mess. If Dad was a criminal, then what did that make me, especially with everything I knew now? Was I another accomplice? A bystander? A witness?
Or was it in my blood too?
“The way I see it,” Axe said, tilting his head toward me, “There are always two sides to everything. There’s a side of us we present to the world. The kind we craft, tailor to expectations. And then there’s the side we hide, the part of us that rarely sees the daylight. That’s what Shep taught me.” I cringed at my dad’s name on his tongue, but Axe continued on, “It’s why I don’t feel guilty. Everyone, you and me included, has a time to die. I took over Shep’s job when he had you.” Axe shrugged. “In your eyes, your father was a hero. Your guardian. Your protector.” I sniffled. Hero seemed kind of strong now, but I respected him, and I knew he never let anyone harm me. “But you never saw the whole picture of who he was.”
I held onto those words, thinking about them.So I took over Shep’s job when he had you.That meant that once I was born, Dad had changed. Maybe hewasthe good man that I always thought he was.
But that didn’t mean that this side of himself stopped existing.
Now, more than ever, I had no idea of how I was supposed to feel when it came to Dad. Who was he? And what did that mean for me?
I looked up at Axe. What was he hiding?
“Which side do you present?” I asked.
“I’m an enforcer,” he said. “I’m not hiding anything.”
I wanted to call him out, saying that was bullshit. That according to him,everyonehid a side of themselves, but I sank back into the seat. The vastness of the night made it seem as though we were stuck inside of a time loop, never able to find the sunrise.
“Then why don’t you talk to anyone?” I asked.
He was silent then, but I didn’t push it. We had covered so much that night. Understanding that everyone had a good and bad side was one thing, but to ask Axe to answer that same question was too much for both of us. I could barely handle learning this about my dad. I’m sure, though he would never admit it, it was hard for him to face these truths too.
“You could leave,” Axe said. He nodded toward the door. “The next time we stop. Open the car door. Never look back.”
That knowledge made my stomach turn. I looked at the handle, long and slender. I imagined my hand grasping it, breathing air that belonged to me for the first time.
But I knew I couldn’t go out there.
What horrors would be waiting for me, when my past was marked with blood?
“You would kill me if I tried,” I muttered. “Wouldn’t you?”
The only answer he gave was a short glance in my direction. Both of us knew that what I chose to do didn’t matter. I wasn’t going anywhere.
Maybe Axe was right. Maybe there was a side of me that I was hiding from myself.
By the time we made it back to his workroom, he let me get comfortable but then waited for me to get into a larger cage, lying on the ground, long enough for me to stretch out. I bit my lip, thinking about it. There were no wooden slats this time. Would he watch me? Would he sleep there again tonight? Would he sleep in there with me?
Why did I want him to be there beside me when I fell asleep?
I slowly bent down, hoping that he was watching me. Then once I was inside, I turned around, looking up at him. As he locked the cage, he stared at me. His cock was bulging, slightly hard, from looking at me like that. Defenseless in a cage.
And it turned me on too.
