Page 85 of Dangerous Command
He lifted his glass of whiskey. “It’s the only true painkiller.”
“You got any left?” I asked. He handed me a drink, one he had already poured, ready for me. I smiled, a little confused at the gesture, but still pleased. He had been waiting for me.
I looked down at the cup in my lap, the heaviness settling over me. I wanted to—no, Ineededto sleep. And yet I knew my thoughts would keep me awake. I had to say what was on my mind if I truly wanted to let go.
“What’s that face for?” Derek asked, reading me.
“I still feel terrible,” I said.
He gave me a stern look, crossing his arms, sitting up straight, about to tell me something serious.
“Your part of the deal is done,” he said. “If you want to be done with our family, you can go.” He nodded toward the door. “I don’t want you to go. But fuck, Maddie. You’ve got to think of Mack. I would understand that.”
Those words broke my heart. Because deep down, I knew that Mack would be safer with Derek and his entire family, than he would ever be with just me. It wasn’t about safety at all anymore.
And I couldn’t stand the thought of running away.
“I don’t want to leave,” I whispered. “But I still feel like I don’t deserve any of this. Like I don’t deserve you. Why don’t you hate me, Derek? You should.”
His eyes traced over my face.
“You want me to cut off your finger?” he asked.
I raised a brow. “What?”
“Would that make you feel better?”
I instinctively crossed my arms, tucking my fingers into my armpits. “No.”
“Then answer this,” he said calmly. “Did you open the door to let Muro into the Adler House?”
“Of course not,” I said, “but he stole my phone. He could have gotten the access codes from there, from when I was still cleaning here.”
He ignored my words, then crossed his arms too, matching my stance. “Did you give him the knife?”
“No,” I said.
“Then shut up.” He let his arms drop to the sides. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I forgive you. And my brothers forgive you too. I will fight them if they don’t.” A subtle grin flicked across his lips. “You were raised by an awful, abusive man. I mean, my father was a piece of shit, but Muro makes him look like a saint. But what matters is that you did what was right in the end. You stood up for what was right.” He took my hands in his, squeezing them tight. “Not just for my family, but foryourself.”
For myself.
Did that mean Derek cared about my well-being, as much as he cared about his family? That thought made me fill up with an overwhelming sense of light and warmth.
Derek truly did love me. And I loved him too.
“I love you,” I said.
“I love you,” he said quietly, “and I have loved you, for a very long time, Madison Muro.”
I was almost afraid to look at him, as if meeting his eyes would show that it was all a prank, a mistake. The urge to close my eyes filled me, but when I finally met Derek’s gaze, those worries fell away. My past couldn’t haunt me anymore. I wouldn’t let it control me. The only person who could control me was Derek, and that was only because I wanted him to. Even when I made mistakes, he respected me. Adored me. Humiliated and degraded me. And still, he loved me.
He pulled me into his arms and I sank into his embrace. He held me like that for a very long time, his arm clutched around me tightly, giving me the safety I had always wanted.
“I’m pretty sure you killed him,” I said, breaking the silence. “Just putting it out there. The fierce new leader of the Adler Mafia killed the infamous Miles Muro.”
“You stabbed the shit out of him though,” Derek said, lifting his shoulders. “Wekilled him. Together.”
“You say that like we should be proud,” I laughed. “Is that just another way to say that we make a great team?”
