Page 72 of Crawl
“This has nothing to do with Jenna,” he says.
“She’s the reason I pursued you!” I scream. “She’s the reason I’m fucking you in the first place.”
But I know he’s right. This pain isn’t about telling Jenna. This hurts because I want to know that Cash and I can trust each other, but by denying me the permission to tell her, he’s saying that we don’t have that kind of foundation.
“She’ll protect you, Remedy. Not me.”
My eyes widen, but he stays on top of me, holding me still. In the darkness, I can’t see the clouds and ash in his eyes, and it’s like he’s hiding his real self from me. But once again, he’s right. Jenna doesn’t care about Cash, and if it comes down to it, she won’t hesitate to rat him out. But she will protect me, like I’ve protected her. And the fact that Cash is right makes me so upset.
And it hurts to know that he doesn’t care if we trust each other.
Gripping my chin, Cash forces me to look into his eyes. He pulls down his pants and boxers, then rips me out of mine. He thrusts his cock inside of me and I grunt, spreading my legs to let him in. But then the mood shifts. He relaxes, moving slowly, an overwhelming softness in his movements. His lips press to my neck. And he kisses my skin like he wants me to feel good. Like he wants me to enjoy it. Anxiety rises inside me like a bubbling pot. I slap his face so hard my palm stings, but he keeps his rhythm, circling his hips, his lips on my skin, like nothing happened. His body presses against my clit, rubbing me back and forth, and those memories of my stepdad surface. I shake them away. I don’t want them here. I bite Cash’s shoulder, digging my canines in as deep as they’ll go, and though a low growl vibrates through Cash, he stays at the same, easy speed. Like he knows that I’m breakable. Like he knows that this softness is torture to me.
“Are you punishing me?” I whisper.
He doesn’t answer. His eyes narrow slightly, daring me to stop him, but then he subdues his actions again, like he wants me to understand that he knowsexactlywhat he’s doing. He knows me better than I know myself. He’s right; this is about testing Cash, to see if he trusts me or not.
And it’s clear that he doesn’t trust me.
He closes his eyes, tenderly pressing his lips to my shoulder. I rip at his hair, trying to yank as much as I can out of his head to make him stop, but he pins me down, just hard enough that I can’t move. Wiping the tears from my eyes like he’s afraid for me, he puts his lips on my collarbone, forcing me to endure that false kindness. His lips on the underside of my chin. On my ear. On my chest. His fingertips skim the back of my neck, sending shivers down my spine, and my insides crawl. I’m helpless. I can’t do anything. I have no power. My body will react and nothing I say or do will make a difference.
But thisisdifferent. I do have power, and that’s why Cash is screwing with me. The concrete scrapes across my back, rubbing my skin raw, and his tongue reaches for my lips, searching for my open mouth, but I close it shut. I can’t take it. I bash him in the back of the head with my fist until his nose knocks into mine. My face is heavy and for the first time since he started this, his eyes flicker open, but he stays still, pinning me down. Showing me that while I have regained some power, he’s still in control, the one who will decide whether we make love or fuck. Whether Jenna knows or not. Whether I live or die. Whether he’ll aim the gun at me.
His hips press into me, and my body relents, letting the passion take hold of me. A burning heat sweeps through me, and I let the tears go, my body finally relaxing. And for once, I enjoy it. This—our love, our fucked up sense of connection and control—is a fire I’ll never be able to put out. Cash killed Cassius Winstone. He abducted my stepdad so that he could watch me kill him. Then he killed my stepbrother for threatening me. Nothing will undo any of that. We’re melded together like the foundation protecting a home, and no matter what happens, nothing can break us apart.
But the most messed up part is that Cashknowshow much this gentleness hurts me, and the fact that he’s purposefully doing it, is what fuels me. He tickles my neck with his tongue and makes every nerve ending come alive. And I like it. I hate that he can read me like this.
My body drums, nearing that brink, and though his eyes flare with fury, he keeps his hips moving in a steady rhythm. I wrap my arms around and legs around him like a cocoon, never wanting him to stop, until finally, those twitches run through me and I come undone. The pleasure rides through me, but Cash doesn’t stop. He fucks me in that same steady rhythm like he needs to come too, but his eyes burn with frustration. It’s too hard when it’s this easy.
Finally, he pulls the gun from his holster again, pressing the barrel against my throat, making it hard to breathe, my pussy tightening around him once again. I strain, coughing, my eyes watering, andthat’swhen he comes inside of me.
He pulls out, then stares down at me. There’s no emotion on his face, not even a hint of amusement. He’s completely detached, knowing that he can’t be fully present at this moment, or this will break him too.
“You remember the parking lot?” he asks.
The noose. My bleeding knees. The blindfold and earplugs. Of course, I remember.
I nod.
“Tomorrow night,” he says. He fixes his clothes, but I stay naked on the concrete floor. “We’ll figure it out then. But you have to meet me there.”
I cross my arms, sitting upright. “What about Jenna?”
“Tomorrow night.”
He hands me my phone. The screen is shattered and some pixels are dead, but the touch screen still works. I check the gallery, expecting to see the photos deleted, but they’re still there. I don’t know how I’m supposed to take that. Does Cash trust me to know what I’m doing now? Or is it a test to see if he can trust me? Just like I want to test him.
“Tomorrow night,” he repeats. He leaves the door to the cage unlocked. “Seven o’clock.”
As his footsteps filter down the hallway, my stomach flips. He’s putting so much pressure on tomorrow night. What will happen if I don’t go? Will he kill me?
And what will happen if I go?
CHAPTER 18
Remedy
The next night, I stare out at the wind blowing through the palm trees. Even now, Cash keeps the windows open, and I know why. He’s not afraid. It’s long past my shift, but I can’t move. I have no idea where Cash is. But Jenna is with her mom, which in my mind, means she’s safe. But I know another person won’t stop Cash from doing what he wants. If he thinks Jenna needs to die, she’ll die.
