Page 77 of Broken Discipline
But I couldn’t let go of her again.I wouldn’t.
“You think you don’t deserve love or protection,” I said. Her deep brown eyes flicked over my face, trying to find the truth in my words. “You think you’re supposed to be the one who protects everyone else, the gunandthe bulletproof vest, as if that will somehow make up for not being good enough for your own mother. But that’s bullshit.” I pulled her face close to mine, breathing onto her lips. “You deserve the world.” Her brown eyes gleamed with light and hope. An ache tightened my throat, and I softened my voice: “You deserve better than anything I can give you.”
I let go of her face, then balled my hands into fists. Those emotions rolled back inside of me again. But I didn’t know what else to do. I had to do something to make her see that everything I said was true, that I was here forher.She gnawed her bottom lip, the tendons in her neck stretching with anxiety, and I held her hands in mine.
“Even if you leave me,” I said, “even if you decide that I’m not the father you want to raise our kids, then fine. Go. Walk out that door. Do whatever you have to do. I can respect that. I’m an assassin; who would want a killer to raise their kids?” I clenched my jaw. “But you willneverhave to worry about money or your safety ever again. No more drug deals. No more titty bars. No more worrying about private school tuition. Even if I’m not a part of your life or the twins’ lives—if you want it, it’s done.”
Seconds ticked by, her veins visibly pulsing in her neck. Ramona stepped forward, closer to me. She squeezed my hands.
“I want you to be part of our lives,” she said. “I do, Finn. I want you to be a part of everything.”
A weight lifted from my shoulders, my mouth dry as a desert. It’s what I had wanted to hear for so damn long.
“I love you, Ramona,” I said. I stopped, not knowing what to say. She held my hands to her chest. “I’ve always been here for you, Ramona. It’s always been you. Just you.”
I kissed her, our mouths colliding with desperation and love. Her tongue massaged mine, and I didn’t know what was going on or what was going to happen, but one thing was certain: she was my past, my present, my future. My everything. I was never going to let anyone destroy that.
I grabbed her by the ass, hoisting her up until she was on the desk. I pulled off her shirt, kissing her collarbones and neck. She unbuttoned my pants hastily, her fingers quivering. I plunged my cock inside of her, keeping a hand on her throat, reminding her that I was there, holding her,owningher. Even if the world ended, I would be there, protecting her.
She wrapped her hands around my head, pulling me close. “I love you, Finn.”
And after years of waiting for those words again, I came undone. All of my frustration and longing in each thrust of my hips, letting it go. Her breathing hitched, her scarred stomach flinching as her pussy choked my dick, and as I bucked forward, pumping that emotion inside of her, edging me closer. Her muscles tightened around me, and once I saw that overwhelming pleasure simmer in her eyes, I let go too. I came inside of her, crushing our lips together, letting her suffocate me with her love.
I melted around her, gripping her fragile body inside of my arms, binding her in my grip. Since the day I met her, I had tried to control Ramona. But no matter how hard I tried, she controlled me.
Perhaps I needed to learn to trust her too.
***
Before she fell asleep, I called my private medic. He bandaged her fingers properly and prescribed an antibiotic. Once we had the medicine in our hands and the nanny had put the kids to bed, we went back to the bedroom to rest.
But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t sleep. Ramona was calm, drifting in her dreams, a subtle smile on her face. Warmth simmered inside of me as I watched her sleep, but my mind raced, pushing against it.
What if they hurt the kids?Ramona had said.What are we even doing, Finn?
I couldn’t guarantee that my family was safe until I took care of Upchurch and Edith.
Once the first beam of light peeked over the horizon, I left for the Astley Manor, where Edith lived. The Astley Manor came into my vision, and I pulled over, studying the house from a distance. A front porch wrapped around the main house, with elegant white columns decorating the front. I didn’t see any security there, but I knew it was guarded. If I killed Edith, it would catch Upchurch’s attention, and if Upchurch got the rest of the board involved, it could lead to the rest of the Syndicate. And then, there was absolutely no telling what would happen. Even if I had all of my Carter Care guards on my side, the Marked Blooms Syndicate was far wider than we could imagine. Their society spanned centuries and nations. It was why my dad had never trusted them, and why I never did either.
I checked my bulletproof gear underneath my clothes, then readied myself, walking with my hands high in the air. A security camera on the porch shifted in my direction. I walked forward slowly.
I didn’t care about Bruce’s fortune, and I knew Ramona didn’t either. If that’s what Bruce and Edith wanted, then so be it.
The estate manager opened the front door quickly, and an armed guard in black hovered behind her. I kept my hands in the air. Tension boiled in my chest.
“Is Mrs. Astley home?” I asked.
“I’m afraid she’s unavailable, sir,” she said. “Can I take a message?”
“It’s about her son.”
The woman’s eyes lit up as she quickly jogged through the house. Soon, feet scuffled on the tile, and an older woman shoved the guard out of the way.
“I want to do this myself,” she yelled at him. Then she glared at me, her hair messy, as if she had been restless all night. A gun trembled in her hands. She closed the door behind her, leaving us alone.
“May I come in?” I asked.
She shifted her angle, blocking the doorway. “Where is my son?” she said.
