Page 103 of Hollywood Undercover
“What?”
“Never mind. That’s too bad, Alexandra. I think I liked Alexbetter.”
She waited expectantly for him to cross the room so they could pick up where they left off, but he didn’t. Bash threw on some sweat pants and left his room, heading down the stairs. She put on his t-shirt, the closest item of clothing she could find, and followed him down to the kitchen. He stood in front of the coffee machine, ready to turn it on. Stepping up beside him, she placed a hand on hisback.
“Bash? What’swrong?”
He half-turned to her. “I think last night…maybe I expected too much too soon. I’msorry.”
“What are you trying tosay?”
“Look, there’s no way for me to fit into the life you have as Lexxi Rock, okay? So, let’s not—” He stopped himselfmidsentence.
Let’s not go anyfurther?
Let’s not keep getting to know eachother?
Let’s nottry?
She would ask, but the look on his face said it all. He moved off from her and walked toward the hallway, only stopping to turn back and say, “Let’s justnot.”
* * *
Alexandra went backinto the guest bedroom feeling numb andweary.
“What in the hell just happened?” she asked herself, biting back a sob as she ran her forearm across stingingeyes.
She refused tocry.
I brought this onmyself.
I should have left well enough alone instead of sleeping withhim.
Lexxi Rock and Sebastian Sullivan have no futuretogether.
She sighed, realizing it was time to get back to reality, but not before she took a moment to mourn the fantasy. She plopped down on the bed and rolled over. Raising the t-shirt just high enough to touch her nose, she inhaled Bash’s scent that clung to the fabric. Last night up in his bed had been so…perfect.
She was going to miss Bash almost as much as she would miss being Alex. It had been so easy to be herself around Bash when she was pretending to be someone else. He said he liked Alex. It was crazy, but when she really thought about it, she knew exactly what he meant. She had missed the point, until now. Strip away the deeper voice, the slouching stroll, and the baggy clothes, and Alex Roberts was the real Alexandra Storme. That’s what Bash had been trying to tell her last night, and that’s why he was ready to let gotoday.
Alexandra sat up and cursed the day she ever invented the Lexxi Rock persona. Even Eva had warned her about it last night. Lexxi was nowhere near the real her, and that was the part Bash probably felt he couldn’t have, which in all honesty was completely true. Knowing Rick, by the time she made it back to LA, she would have a full schedule for months to make up for this time away. Releasing the album alone would have made it hectic, so playing catchup for this time away was bound to make it that muchworse.
There would barely be time to keep up a long distance relationship, especially with someone who wasn’t in the industry. She had seen the horrific results countless times before, and up close and personal too when Eva had tried with Jared, a friend they both knew fromcollege.
Things had started off nicely enough, and even Alexandra was rooting for it to work out between them. Eva loved him dearly. They were great together, and in the beginning, Jared had no problem accommodating her or restructuring his life around Eva’s schedule. All of a sudden, poor Jared received a promotion at his startup consulting firm, which moved him from Los Angeles to Silicon Valley. They tried to make it work, but even that short distance apart chipped away at their timetogether.
Alexandra wouldn’t forget how it came to a head that night on the red carpet. Someone had asked her who was the‘nobody’with Eva, and he overheard. Alexandra stood up for him, but the damage was done. People treated him like he didn’t count. She could just imagine what it would be like with Bash. Some reporter would probably ask him, “Yeah, it’s cool and all you’re a firefighter out there saving lives and shit, but what’s it like dating Lexxi Rock?”Bash would be trivialized and marginalized. They would rarely see each other, and not at all while she was on tour. If there was any hope for them working out, he would have to leave Arizona or she’d have to leave LA, and the odds would still be stacked against them even if they were both willing. Basically, she met the one guy who had the potential to make her so happy, but that happiness came at the expense of one of their careers. The prospect was a fading mirage—and that was why Bash preferred to let itgo.
So why did I still go ahead and sleep withhim?
Letting out a breath, she got up and began to pack. As she gathered up the remnants of her discarded life as Alex Roberts, she came across a slip of paper on the top of the dresser. Bash had written down the names and contact numbers of several construction companies for her to phone for repair quotes nextdoor.
So much for refusing tocry.
She couldn’t hold back the dam. It was another example of his selflessness and kind heart. Even after treating him like crap after the Aileen episode, Sebastian had still gone ahead and did what he could to help Alexandra with what she needed. The hot, salty tears rolled silently down her cheeks as she stared dejectedly out thewindow.
Alexandra tried to pull herself together, but it was so hard. She had experienced her fair share of heartbreaks. The only difference here was she and Bash didn’t even get the luxury of being in a relationship before they ended it. It just played out in theory in both their minds, and now it was over. She scoffed, because even then, she was lying to herself. That wasn’t the real difference and she knew it. The real difference was she cared about him deeply. He had been an amazing friend toher.
It never hurt this bad before because everyone else had either been a poor fit, a misconnection, or an outright jackass like Wilkes. It was easy to forget about the rest of them, because she saw no real future with them in the first place. This time, she could see a future without Bash, and knew exactly how empty it would be. It brought her full circle to the reason she had kept up the Alex Roberts ruse for so long—being Alex had allowed her to be close toBash.
