Page 5 of Reckless
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Kelly
“You look tired.” Millie, my fellow nurse, narrowed her eyes at me across the hospital bed that held our newest patient. “Are you getting enough sleep?”
I rolled my head from side to side, trying to stretch the knots out of my shoulders. “Thanks. Just what I want to hear first thing in the morning, that I look like crap.” I hadn’t taken time to cover up the purplish streaks beneath my eyes this morning, and apparently, it showed. “I’ve been sleeping fine, thank you very much.” The lie practically flowed off my tongue.
“Sure, sure. I’ll believe you, thousands wouldn’t.” She eyed me as she helped the elderly lady we were gowning into the ugly scrap of material and tied it behind her neck. The New Hope Hospital ER wasn’t busy this morning quite yet, but it probably would be since it was Saturday. That was one of the things I loved most about being a float nurse. I never knew where I’d be working or what challenges I would face. It kept me on my toes.
“I don’t believe you either,” said the shrunken form in the bed, her blue-gray hair curled into tight rings.
I stopped short and looked into intelligent, faded blue eyes that blinked up at me innocently. She was so adorable that I couldn’t help but smile.
Before I could respond, Millie went on, “I do worry about you, you know. You do always seem…I don’t know, sad, I suppose.”
“You have a lost look in your eyes,” our patient piped in.
I frowned and checked her chart. Violet Wade. Four surviving children.
“That’s just the mother in you,” I said to Millie and darted my eyes to Miss Violet, “and you. Looking for reasons to worry.” I gave Millie ashut-uplook. “Now, let’s focus on our patient.”
Millie planted her hand on her hip. “Yeah, I suppose you could be right. But that’s because I have two teenage boys who give me a reason to worry then refuse to speak to me. You’re twenty-six years younger than me. I technically couldbeyour mother.”
“Listen to your mother, dear,” our patient said as her eyes dipped closed.
I tried to strangle back the laugh. “I have a mother, thank you very much. She’s not here, but thanks for reminding me that I need to call her on break.”
“What a sweet little dear, calling her mother,” came from the hospital bed.
Unlike our patient, Millie wasn’t buying my bullshit. “What are you calling her for this time? You just called her on break.”
I chewed my bottom lip, searching for a cover. “If you must know, I needed to make sure she called that plumber. I was up late last night trying to get the faucet to stop running continuously, so excuse me if I didn’t get a full eight hours.”
“Sounds like you’re the mother.”
I shot a bemused glance at the old lady in the bed, wondering if Millie had conspired with her to take her side. Millie was always telling me to lighten up, to go out, that I’d only be twenty-three once and that I should find me a man and “get it on.” I squirmed just thinking about the words coming from her mouth.
“So, you haven’t been sleeping. Well, if your mother isn’t checking up on you, and quite the opposite, why shouldn’t I? Is everything all right?”
The usual response ofI’m finebubbled to the edge of my lips, but today, I couldn’t manage to spill the lie. I knew I’d reached the end of what I could handle and needed to let off some steam before it boiled my insides.
“I don’t know,” I replied instead. “Not really. I had a dream about the…accident last night. But instead of it changing everything, it replayed in reverse, then everything went back to normal.” I clamped down on the desperate sob that threatened to escape my chest.
“Accident? Honey, we need to get you to the hospital.” Violet’s eyes were out of focus now, the fever she’d come in with taking over. I wondered what she’d been like before lung cancer had marched in and taken over her life. She seemed like a pistol. But now, after…she was just so sad.
Of course, my own life could easily be divided into two sections:beforeandafter.
If I closed my eyes for long enough, I could transport myself back to thebeforetime. Which was exactly what the dream had done, reversed the after to before. For a glorious thirty seconds after waking, I’d thought it was a normal day, one wherebeforewasnow. Then the truth hit me like an angry semi-truck.
“Is it the anniversary? I can’t believe that’s come around already. I’m sorry, doll.”
“Sorry, doll.” Miss Violet patted my arm.
I patted her hand back, the fragile skin feeling so very thin beneath my touch. “No, it’s not the anniversary. I don’t know why I had the dream. I’ve just been…pensive, I guess.”
“Kelly, you lost your father and your brother in a senseless accident. I’m surprised it doesn’t affect you more. I’m always amazed at how strong you are. You’re allowed to have an off day every now and again. Or even take an actual day off work.”
I shrugged. I was sixteen years old when my life was torn to shreds. When I’d been forced to become the head of household because half my family was gone and my mother checked out, as if her will to live had gone with them. The memory of that night would never leave me.
