Page 63 of Reckless
“I don’t know, Gage, Ron’s really been riding my ass.” Ben smiled wryly and shifted where he stood.
“Since when has that ever stopped you? Ron’salwaysup your ass, and it’s never stopped you.” My temper rose when Ben just blinked at me. “If it’s about more than that, then why don’t you just say it? I’d much rather you be honest with me.” Ben’s eyes darted toward Andy. “You don’t need to look at anyone else. He isn’t in charge of the band, you know? If you have a problem with me then why don’t you just say it?”
Silence so thick I could hardly breathe hung in the air, but I held my ground. I wanted everyone to stop with the secret looks bullshit and say something real to me. I was on the outside of everything, looking in. I hadn’t been a real part of Gaged since I returned, and I needed that to end. I wanted them to let me back in again, even if I didn’t want to hear their criticism.
“Fine, you want me to be honest.” Ben tossed his hands in the air. “Going out with you is a nightmare. I’ve become more of a babysitter than a friend.”
“I don’taskyou to babysit me. I want you to have fun with me.”
“If we both have the sort of fun you are, we’ll end up in a real mess. Or jail.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I took a step closer to Ben. “I’m not doing anything differently than we ever did.”
“You’re too extreme, Gage, and you know it. The paparazzi are on you, waiting for you to screw up. They love it when you fail. The problem is you’re making it too easy for them.”
“Making it easy…those pricks will follow me no matter what I do, where I go.”
“It’s gotten more intense, gone downhill, and you know it.”
I snorted, wanting badly to plant my fist dead center of that goatee of his. “Give me a break, I just lost my mom.”
“Man, I don’t think this is really about your mom anymore. We’re all really sorry about that, you know we are, but I think there’s something else.”
I opened my mouth, ready to throw something snappy back, but the words didn’t make it out. They got stuck in the back of my throat and stayed there.
“Ben, I think you and Bryan should go and pack up, don’t you?” Andy declared with a soft-spoken voice. “Gage and I are going to go for a little walk.”
We’d bickered before. It was impossible for a band to spend so much time together and not get on one another’s nerves from time to time, but full-blown arguments were getting all too common.
“He’s out of order.” I shook my head and glared at Andy. “He doesn’t have the right to speak about my mom.”
“Well, I think someone needs to speak about her since you refuse to.”
I turned, stalking down the hall, ready now to take that walk Andy proposed if it got me away from any member of my band. “She’s gone. What else is there to talk about?”
“You say that as if you aren’t hurting anymore, but I know you too well for that. We all want to help you with it, but you won’t let us.”
I shook my head, making a beeline for the back exit. “Talking about it won’t help. I’m doing just fine by keeping myself busy.”
Andy kept up. “You really think what you’re doing is healthy?”
“I don’t think anyone can tell another person how to grieve.”
“No, you’re right, and I don’t want to. But you are isolating yourself from all of us and all we want to do is help you. We’re trying to be there for you.”
The pressure increased in my chest. “You’re ganging up on me, giving me shit for no reason.”
“None of us want to lose Gaged, that’s all.”
I whirled, spitting out my next words. “And you think I do? I need this.”
“Then why are you trying your hardest to throw it all away? Your self-destruct affects all of us.”
“I…” Admittedly, he had me beat there. I didn’t know what to say.
“Sometimes going home can be the hardest thing. Did something else happen back in New Hope?”
My determination crumbled, and my mouth opened completely against my will, the words I vowed I’d never speak falling out. “More did happen in New Hope than I let on.”
