Page 66 of Reckless
My fingers stilled their tapping against the keys when a picture appeared on the screen, the one of us walking to the car that day at the Amish farm. There was a tug that was almost physical in my chest, pulling me toward the way his head was dipped toward mine, making me want to burrow into his neck.
I sighed. Would I survive the humiliation of Gage turning me away if I went to him? Because that was certainly a possibility. He might not even agree to see me. I imagined telling a security guard my name and being turned away. Cringe.
With some effort, I forced my fingers from the keys and closed the laptop before I could be lured back out onto the web. There’d been photos of him with women, and I thought they were from before, but I couldn’t be sure.
Before I could drive myself completely around the bend, I padded into the kitchen and poured a glass of wine. I wouldn’t let myself speculate. WatchingGrey’s Anatomyhelped. You’d think that I would get enough hospital at the actual hospital, but no, nothing that dramatic ever happened at New Hope.
After the latest episode had steamed to an end, I turned off the TV, thinking of going to bed early. Picking up my phone, I had the sudden urge to text Gage. What would I say? Was it his fear keeping us apart this time? Before, I’d allowed my grief to do the job.
“You’ve been through this yourself,” I muttered to myself as I carried my phone to the bedroom and changed into comfortable PJ shorts and t-shirt. That was what scared me. No one grieved in the same way. I’d shut myself off from him, focused on my mom. That had been my way of getting through. Clearly, it hadn’t been a healthy method if my mother was faking needing me to do things for her to make me happy. With Gage, he’d done the same, shutting me and New Hope out, focusing on the band and his career.
I flopped down on the bed. On the nightstand was one of the last family pictures we’d taken. Me, Dad, Stephen, and Mom smiling at the camera like our little family dynamic was just going to go on and on, turning into college degrees, marriages, and grandbabies. We had no idea that half that dream would be gone and the rest twisted into a painful reality.
“What am I supposed to do?” I whispered to them, but they just smiled perpetually.
I wondered what Stephen would be like if he was still alive now. Dad would be the same, he never changed. He was a steady, dependable, wonderful man, but Stephen would’ve grown up a lot. He’d be a man now. I wondered what job he’d have chosen, what major in college, whether he’d be in a relationship or not, and mostly, what he’d think of my life now. The same questions I’d asked myself many times in the last seven years. I wondered if he’d be proud of me or if he’d want me to move on. Get out of New Hope, do something different, see some of the world. Write a book.
I snorted. I used to want to be a writer. Creative writing had been my favorite subject, and I’d even started writing a romantic suspense novel. I’d been torn whether to go with true crime or fiction, but fiction won out because I could make whatever I wanted happen. In college, I’d been told by a couple of professors that I had talent, and they’d encouraged me to keep working at it.
What would Stephen say if he knew that I had all but thrown it away?
Ugh. I shook my head, sick of my own questions, and turned away from the photo before I guilted myself into a crying jag.
I was halfway to the bathroom to wash my face when my cell phone rang.
This late it could only be Mom or Millie. More likely Mom. I grabbed the phone and stared at the screen at a number I didn’t recognize.
“Hello?”
An unfamiliar male voice said, “Hi, is this Kelly Cavendish?”
“Yes. Who’s this?”
“My name is Andy.” I frowned. There was only one Andy I even knew of, the lead guitarist of Gaged. He confirmed it was him a few seconds later. “I’m sorry to call you like this, but I was hoping you could help.”
“Is Gage alright?” My voice cracked. If something happened to him too…
“He’s unharmed, but that’s not saying much.” He cleared his throat. “It’s a touchy subject. I believe you two spent some time together recently when he was back home?”
I didn’t know what he meant byspent time together. If he was Gage’s close friend, then he might know there was much more to us than had even been portrayed in the media. Plus, he could be a reporter posing as Andy. “Yeah, we spent some time together.”
“He’s talked about you. It seems like you were good for him. That you have a history.”
Heat burned my cheeks. Gage wasn’t a tell-all kind of guy, but I wondered how much he’d told Andy.
I gave an “mmhmm” that was a yes without being committal about the answer.
“I don’t know how much you know, but Gage has been going down a dark path since the tour started up again.”
“I have seen a bit of him in the news. Is he…?” Oh god, I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer. Had he resorted to drugs? It seemed to happen to the most famous musicians.
“He’s drinking a lot. We’ve all tried with him and don’t get anywhere. We’re worried. I’m worried. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I really think he would benefit from a visit from you.”
My mouth opened but nothing came out. As much as I wanted to see Gage, the thought of forcing myself into his life made my limbs freeze up. I rubbed my palm across my forehead.
“I have work and…other responsibilities.” Why did I keep saying that when Iknewit wasn’t really the truth anymore? “Will Gage even want to see me? He left without even saying goodbye.”
Andy laugh-snorted. “Trust me, Gage will be glad to see you. I can assure you of that.”
