Page 87 of Reckless
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Kelly
“Kelly? Kelly, wake up, honey.”
Mom’s voice snapped me awake, out of the dream of Gage and me running down a sidewalk in New York, a crowd chasing us. I must have fallen asleep on Mom’s couch. Gage’s face dissolved, but he wouldn’t be far from my thoughts today. He never was.
I knew enough from the bastards in the media to know he was surviving. Judging by the few pictures I’d seen, he appeared to be better than ever.
Good, I told myself, I wanted him to be fine. He’d had more than his share of loss.
“Oh god, did I fall asleep?”
“You’re fine. Here, I brought you coffee.” She sat the mug down next to me on the side table. “You were dreaming?”
The scent of coffee hit my nostrils, and my stomach roiled. I’d been sick off and on since returning from New York six weeks ago. There’d been an outbreak of the flu, with the ER flooded. So far, I’d managed to fight it off, but now I wondered if it was going to win. I hit the floor and made a dash to the bathroom and kissed the toilet good morning like I had way too many times in the last week.
When my stomach was empty, I wiped my face with a cold cloth, aggravated that I had to be sick on a work day. Since I’d left New York, I’d filled my days and nights in an effort to keep thoughts of Gage at a minimum. The last thing I needed was to end up in bed.
“Are you ill?” Mom asked as I came out of the bathroom. “You could always come and stay here for a few days if you like. Let me take care of you. I know you probably think you’re too old for that, but I could cook for you and do your laundry. Just take a load off for a while…”
Since I’d been back, it seemed that our roles had reversed. All she wanted to do was mother me, not the other way around. Maybe now that I’d given up on the fantasy that I was needed, I’d actually let her. The last few weeks had taken a toll.
“Yeah, I might just do that, Mom. Thank you.”
“I’ll admit I’ve been a bit worried about you. This thing with Gage has been hard on you, I know that. If you want to discuss it with me, you can. I want to have a real relationship with you.”
That took me by surprise. “We’ve always had a real relationship.”
“Not really. We don’t talk about anything real, do we? Not like Babs and Gage did.”
I sat back down on the couch, and my eyes slid closed, trying to disguise the agony of his name being spoken out loud.
“Well, we haven’t really had a normal relationship because we’ve not had a normal life. Losing Dad and Stephen upheaved a lot of things.”
She rested her hand on mine. “I know, but they wouldn’t want things to be strained between us, would they? They’d want us to be happy. It’s been seven years.”
“Seven years.” I blew out a breath. Almost a third of my life. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“So, why don’t we do something normal? Something fun? Have some actual quality mother and daughter time?”
My face broke into a smile. “That sounds really nice. I’d like that.”
“We could go out for lunch this weekend, or maybe have a spa day.” Mom clapped her hands. “I’ll arrange something great for the pair of us. If you want to?”
My stomach had settled now, so I stood and checked the time. “Sounds good, Mom. I’m looking forward to it already. I have to get to work, but I’ll see you later on, okay?”
“Well, you know your old bedroom is still there, so if you do decide to come stay after work, it’ll be no issue.”
I rarely went upstairs, didn’t want to see the rooms that were filled with memories of members of my family. But perhaps in the spirit of moving on, that was exactly what I needed to do.
I kissed her on the cheek before letting myself out and getting into the car, thinking it would be amazing to get some normality into the relationship with my mother. Perhaps something positive was on the horizon. I’d been closed off for far too long. Opening up wouldn’t be easy, it’d probably take me a while, but I was determined to better myself.
I’d thought when Gage came back into my life, we would end up together, but I was wrong. But it had been good that he’d shaken things up, making me reevaluate. This wasn’t what I’d dreamed my future would look like, but if we could both come out of the failed reconnection with something to make us happy, then it wasn’t a loss.
I flicked the radio on as I pulled out onto the main road and hummed along to the cheesy pop song playing. Since Gaged had a new album on the way, it had become even harder to avoid hearing their singles.
I would always wonder if I’d made the right choice, leaving New York. Sometimes in the dead of night when I lay alone in my bed, I questioned myself. But I’d been confronted with the pros and cons, and I’d made the firm decision that Gage, and Gaged, was better off without me.
